#Beyourself, #freedom, #teens, coming of age, Mental Health

This Is Heavy

Honestly, how many times a day do you think you think or say:

WTF IS HAPPENING?

Obviously, there are many topics currently, that I want to say wtf about.

One in particular, applies directly to us, to our kids and the future generation.

I thought it was established, especially during quarantine, that teachers are way underrated.

Teachers should make quadruple of what they are making now. Teachers should be treated like politicians.

I have many friends that are teachers, so this is a combination of stories that I’ve heard from them. There appears to be an ongoing theme:

No Respect for Authority

Sense of Entitlement

Expecting HIGH grades

with LOW effort

Little Value in Hard Work

We all had to start at the bottom and work our way up. There is no skipping this step.

One of my friends,W, went back to school while raising three kids. She now has a job as a science teacher at a high school.

W is one of those gifted individuals who can bring out the best in people, especially kids/teens. She can make them laugh just by a facial expression.

W sacrificed so much to earn this degree. W lost a lot of precious time not watching her children growing up to apparently raise other people’s children.

Gradually throughout her first year of teaching, she has appeared worn down, discouraged and burnt out. At times, it’s as if she lost her spirit.

Every time we go for a walk, W has some ridiculous story involving:

Students are on their phones during class and not paying attention. She has to repeat herself four or five times. The more she tries to enforce no phones, the more argumentative, irate and even aggressive the students become.

The students are rocking in their seats to soothe themselves from the absence of this device. They don’t know how to tell time on the clock on the wall. They keep asking her what time it is. They don’t know how to read. They don’t know how to follow directions. They don’t know how to think without googling the answer. It’s like they’re complete zombies without that phone.

The best story so far was when a female came up to W during class stating that she needs her phone so her boyfriend can call her from jail.

The female student states “He only has a certain time that he can call me so I don’t know what to do.”

W replied “Well, for starters, you should probably find yourself a new boyfriend”

Thankfully, the girl laughed & returned to her seat.

W is the only teacher that is enforcing a no phone policy during class, because the other teachers have understandably, given up. It is too exhausting. It sounds as if the faculty is perpetually in self-preservation mode & walking on eggshells around these teen toddlers.

W is presenting a new policy to the board to enforce an all-school-no-phone-use-during-class. Why? Because the kids aren’t learning when they have a phone distracting them. She CARES.

She is making a difference, but caring is taking a toll on her.

She’s had to break up fights in class, students are getting in her face, & other are students recording it. How is this fair?

If these teen-toddler bullies do not receive consequences and limits, they will just grow up to be an asshole.

It is scary that teens are now attempting to bully and intimidate adults/authority figures

Perhaps it’s because all the students are staring at their phones, they don’t have to interact with anyone around them. The only person that may be directly speaking to them is the teacher.

Teasing & Bully encounters can be good among peers. It builds character. It teaches a person to learn how to stick up for themselves.

Sometimes, when friends or foes make fun of you, you may learn to stop doing some inappropriate or annoying mannerisms in public. You learn how to speak to people, have a filter, & understand what can be perceived as rude or ignorant. It’s part of growing up, the socialization process.

We all need feedback.

This interaction is also good to prepare individuals for dealing with difficult people in the future. If you don’t experience this type of social banter growing up, you may end up being naive and fall for a lot of jokes/pranks.

What is going on behind-the-scenes in the mind of a bully:

No one deserves bullying however, these frustrating social interactions teach us something. Getting pissed off and fed up is motivating. Taking action to become a victor instead of a victim.

Speaking of victims, have you ever encountered a teacher that you were sure had it out for you?

Sometimes they do have it out for you. Some are micromanagers, bitter, resentful, angry, sadists or feel powerless them selves.

However, the majority of teachers really do care.

If they didn’t care about their job, the students and their future, they would just operate on autopilot, turn a blind eye or laugh it off.

Looking back, every time I got in trouble, I was terrified. Once, I was escorted by a teacher to the disciplinarian’s office.

You know what, I never pulled that crap again.

I didn’t realize at the time that my teacher who spent the time escorting me to the office, actually cared about me.

Biologically, teenagers do not have the mental capacity for empathy. They do not comprehend how they are wasting the teachers time, effort and energy. Teens are biologically self-absorbed.

Kids, teens, even adults should receive consequences because that’s how they grow and learn from mistakes.

I am only one person and I have no clue how to help rectify this. I am sure there are many individuals who can see the big picture of the disaster that is waiting for us in the future.

Soon people will be a shell of themselves

I’m tired of shaking my head and muttering WTF is happening.

Any ideas???

Simon Sinek describes the dopamine rush from phones in these clips. An unmonitored cell phone is like an open access liquor cabinet for kids and teens.

https://youtu.be/xNgQOHwsIbg?si=icXyDt5yu9TpafJn

empath, narcissism, narcisstic personality disorder, relationships, Uncategorized, vulnerability

Left feeling like John Coffey…

Left feeling like John Coffey…via Daily Prompt: Narcissism

The words I used to associate with narcissism are: Pompous, arrogant, grandiose, cocky, conceited with an inflated sense of self-importance.

Then I actually had “interactions” “friendships” and “relationships” and with men and women who have narcissistic personality disorder. The word narcissism has taken on a different meaning and vibe.

When I hear narcissism now, words like selfish, manipulative, predator,  heartless, soulless, delusional, toxic, emotional-vampires, self-absorbed, and mind-fuck come to mind. They literally “search” for impressionable and innocent individuals as if they can sense your weaknesses like an animal.  Individuals with this disorder are very charming, charismatic and complimentary at first.

They know exactly how to subtilely flatter you and make you “feel good”. Over time they intensify this excessive and insincere praise to butter you up and hook you. They usually have some kind of “sob story” to facilitate compassion from your kind heart and lead you to believe that “you are the only one they confided this to.” Hence they take advantage of your good intentions and thoughtful, giving nature by inadvertently causing you to feel special.

This initial euphoria (dopamine release) is what keeps you coming back for more. You like how you “feel” around this person. For once, someone is giving to you and it feels amazing. You feel full, admired, cherished, adored and loved.

They enjoy being responsible for your emotions and having power over your reactions. They groom you to become dependent on this euphoria until you become vulnerable enough to allow them to invade your soul.

  • You trust them wholeheartedly.
  • You feel like there is no one else is this world who understands you like they do.
  • You feel a deep connection to this person that almost becomes an obsession.

When the narcissist is aware that you are completely defenseless and completely enamoured with their tantalizing charm; this is when they strike. Usually it begins with subtle passive aggressive comments that confuse you and trigger insecurity and/or self-doubt. You may feel stung or humiliated and react emotionally. They will then minimize your reaction by twisting things around to make you look or feel irrational. #gaslighting

Then they will turn up the charm again, deepening your vulnerability by preying on your weakness in this raw, emotional state. They will use all the information and disclosures you provided them in confidence. Either they will hurt you more by using it against you or they will fill this void with whatever is missing. They will do exactly what makes you feel the most loved. Usually with whatever your love language is: lavish gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service like cleaning without asking, fixing your car or surprising you with dinner. The most dangerous is the physical affection or mind blowing sex that will completely impair your judgement.

They will “feed” off this emotional roller coaster they put you through and this “feeding” will temporarily sustain them. This pattern will continue until you begin to question your sanity, your decision making and how you feel about them or yourself. They will sense your ambivalence and “up the ante” and do things to make you feel crazier.

They may suddenly withdraw by ceasing to return calls or texts. They may stand you up for lunch or not show up for things. They behave aloof, rude or become cold and distant. They may begin to pick fights with you, accuse you of cheating, start “hanging out” with another “friend” making you jealous. They may play favorites with your siblings leaving you feel never good enough. They may cheat on you or talk badly about you to someone else.

After this, you may be convinced you are clinically insane.  Your emotions will feel so out of control and irrational that you wonder if perhaps you are the problem; not them. Since you have been strung out on the dopamine high they have been steadily supplying you, you will feel an intense withdrawal. This withdrawal is similar to a deep exhaustion or a hangover. You could feel worn out, drained, exhausted, depressed, anxious, paranoid, hopeless, worthless, and weak. You may feel imprisoned and trapped like there is no way out.

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Then they pounce on your vulnerability and feed off whatever emotion and reaction you provide them. Negative or positive reaction; it doesn’t matter. They need this emotional fix to survive so they will do whatever they have to do in order to receive a “reactional feeding”.

You may begin to feel desperate and do things out of character. You may even wonder how you used to be happy before this person walked into your life. You may re-trace when you started to care so much about how this person feels about you. You may speculate why you keep trying to win their affection or attention.

Out of this desperation, you may precariously decide to do anything to make this person happy. You muster up the strength for one more last-ditch effort in order to see that charming, charismatic, loving person they once were. F1BCA709-407E-4573-8489-308BDB71612B.jpeg

Under the delusional belief that deep down “they care about you” and they have empathy; you may attempt to “force” them to understand how you feel.  You will inevitably be heartbroken and devastated. This is an endless cycle that you can waste years on.

Hopefully you will love yourself enough to recognize that this “emotional vampire” has an insatiable thirst. They will leave you once you have nothing left to give and there is no supply left to “thrive”. They are incapable of true love and believe your purpose on this earth is to serve them and supply them without ever having to reciprocate. They do not feel guilty or remorse. It is all an act.

This person could be a significant other, sibling, family member, friend or in worst cases; a parent. The only way out is feeling the pain, learning and growing from it. Meanwhile, maintaining no contact with this person at all. Zero communication or reactions is the only way to end this cycle and break free from their control and toxicity.

The devil doesn’t show up wearing horns and a pitchfork; they show up disguised as everything you ever wanted.