#womaninthearena – Quillan Kelly-Dunn

#freedom, #opportunity, American, march for our lives, Uncategorized

It’s Because I’m Green Isn’t it?

November 3, 2025November 26, 2025 quillankellydunn

There really are some ignorant, asshole people in this world.

What happens though, when you become “one of those assholes”?

When you “hate people” in general, this maybe a sign you need to check yo self. (Unless you are Larry David, because his hating everything is hilarious and refreshing.)

When this is not part of your general personality and you feel an NEW overall disgust for the human race, you may want to look in the mirror. Why am I so grouchy?

Why do you “hate?” Why are you so jaded?

I recently had an eye-opening experience like this. In May 2025, I found out I had torn my hip labrum and a nerve impingement. I have never experienced pain like this where it consumed my entire mood and life.

Plus, the boredom..,

With not being able to walk outside and do my regular stress-reducing exercise, active meditation of walking in the woods, I became a miserable person.

Then I had to have surgery in September. I had so many restrictions. I became a raging grinch. I had to find all new coping skills.

The daily gratitude journal, weekly counseling, physical therapy, talking with friends, TV, movies, books, & music helped me through it at first, but there was still this underlying sadness, self-pity, and frustration.

A lot of past issues/demons began to resurface, where before I would breathe them away outside and “walk it off.”

All I wanted to do was check out on the couch, ice my leg and numb myself with Netflix & instagram.

I forced myself to go out when I was not ready and I was a crab. I was rude and sarcastic.

I found myself making stereotypical statements like a grumpy old man.

I was very impatient.

Then spiraled into not wanting to go anywhere. I was losing it.

However, fear, racism, hatred and ignorance has been #trending, so thought “I was normal.”

How can you take action when all you can do is lay there and wallow in your pain?

Despite being completely aware that this is temporary and I’m not permanently disabled, I was still catastrophizing. Meanwhile, my daughter went away to college, I still had to work and help my mom. I was empty and depleted. In addition to trying to function, none of my clothes fit right…

Everything I worked so hard for with strength training. was down the toilet. I looked like a 10lb sausage in a 5 lb bag.

Now I was really ANGRY.

Someone has to pay for this. I want justice! I want vengeance! However, there was no one to blame, I had to accept that shit happens in life and it’s no one’s fault. Still, I “hated” everyone.

Thankfully, my sisters & my friends, provided me love, support and care no matter how I behaved.

They reminded me of the big picture.

So I did what I could do, instead of focusing on what I couldn’t do. I read more enlightening books and listened to more empowering podcasts, instead of watching instagram and the news. Watched funny movies and TV. I got a massage and facial. I watched the sunset. I shopped for clothes that fit me. I took small walks.

Then a female, Arabic woman held the door for me at Starbucks, so I paid for her order. A stranger.

Afterwards, I began to cry.

I was inadvertently reminded “Hurt people, HURT people.”

I forgot that I need to give in order to receive…

When people showed me love, I was able to give love back. When I received compassion, I was able to give compassion. Isolating and ruminating was getting me no where, except a downward spiral of misery. I forgot that there are people doing way worse than myself. I was hurting so I wanted to hurt others. I hated my situation, so wanted to hate others.

Even when things were working for me, I wanted to self-sabotage and be miserable.

Therefore, my hatred was checked and I was able to look within. I now have way more empathy for my patients who are disabled, elderly, and those in constant pain.

This “culture of hate” is running on the fumes of our own internal struggles/fear/misery and we want someone to blame.

If everyone works until they no longer can, pays their taxes, follows the laws/rules of our country and accepts the insurance provided by their employer; we should all be good. If you break the law, you suffer the consequences.

Some people truly are disabled and are unable to work and some would give anything to be able to work again. I think we can all agree that no matter what race, color, gender, religion or sexuality we are; our core values are the same.

The beauty of our country is in our differences and diversity. We are all immigrants or descendants of some. It is evident when we ask each other “what is your nationality?”

I mean, what does “American citizen” truly look like? Everyone can’t be born here. Someone had to come here first.

The hard work of Americans & immigrants is what built this country. Refugees come to America out of fear for their life. If you aren’t fearing for your life, then follow the citizenship process. If you are here illegally, then work, take care of yourself, don’t expect hand-outs or break our laws.

We have no idea what anyone has been through, so let’s have some compassion; we are ALL human beings.

Please increase the size of your heart this season and for 2026, consider a resolution of volunteering, paying it forward, compassion and empathy for others instead of judging and hating.

Make America Kind Again.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLu17xqxhGE/?igsh=Z3IxbGM2a2FwNG54

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPmKEv6Ejt5/?igsh=MTd6ajB5YnZ0dDVxaA==

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOw-GwFkZTi/?igsh=ZDdrcDU3MHY1aDBz

#Beyourself

I Say Hurl.

October 18, 2025October 28, 2025 quillankellydunn

“I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she’s yours.But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.” Wayne Campbell

Vulnerability is metaphor of Blowing chunks… spilling your guts…putting yourself out there.

It used to be something people rarely did. Usually confiding certain topics was saved for close friends, family or a mass audience when you publish a memoir.

Now it’s OK to completely “hurl” it all over social media. The bad habit or trend though, is when people put themselves out there, share too much, or offend someone, they get “canceled.”.

Therefore no one can ever make a mistake. No one can ever be misconstrued or misunderstood. Many statements and content can easily be taken out of context. This may lead to paranoia about everything you say. Some people may end up traumatized, clam up and are never heard from again.

When that happens, they no longer share their gifts with the world; all their possible contributions end up in the “idea graveyard.”

I used to share anything with anyone pretty quickly. I thought it was just me, my south side upbringing and “I am just like this.” The older I become, combined with the more I learn, the more I recognize that it was a total lack of boundaries. A lack of boundaries is not a personality trait, it is a trauma response. Lack of boundaries is a symptom.

I thought the word “trauma” was only applicable for populations like veterans, POW’s, victims of sexual rape/assault/abuse, witnesses to a murder, survivors of natural disaster & 911… you get the idea.

What it really is…

“Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, natural disaster, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war, and more. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms.”

The sudden shut down of the world in 2020 is an example of collective trauma.

Who truly knows the long-term effects of this trauma had on kids, teens & young adults who got jipped out of their 8th grade festivities, graduations and other rites of passage.

Examples of long-term effects of trauma that you may relate to:

Growing up with hungry or a lack of food in the house…perhaps as an adult, you binge eat, over-shop for food and waste it. This could stem from not knowing when your next meal was coming or if you didn’t eat something, it would be gone. So now as an adult, you scarf dat shit down. “Clean your plate” as we were told…

No wonder why most Americans are overweight.

If your family life was chaos, your parents were always fighting, someone was an alcoholic or drug abuser… you learned to cope with unpredictable occurrences and stay calm in chaotic events because this became “normal.”

As as an adult “you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop”, you pick fights with your significant other, you are excessively stressed and anxious over trivial, normal problems, you get depressed, anxious or “feel out of sorts” when relationships/life overall is going good.

Your body/brain does not know how to cope with calm, stable, & predictable…Therefore, what do you think happens if you cannot cope and become anxious with calm, quiet, stable, boring, everyday life…

You self-medicate!

Over-drinking alcohol, over-spending, over-exercising, over-smoking, over-masturbating, getting high too much or become addicted to porn and inadvertently are no longer be able to ejaculate with a real person.

Others may numb out binging TV for too many hours, clock in ridiculous hours on their phone/social media, over-use prescription drugs, use marijuana & other drugs too much…

Some people learn how to detach from their emotions, become numb or “frozen”… those feelings have to be felt and go somewhere… hello chronic pain.

Sometimes…Headaches, autoimmune disorders, migraines, back pain, fibromyalgia, IBS, and other unexplained ailments could be stemmed from chronic stress & stuffing emotions.

Therefore, if you think you are overdoing it in someway in your life, please see a therapist and possibly a trauma specialist. In that case, with privacy, HURL!

Vulnerability is cool, but we all have to process our trauma safely and re-learn healthy coping skills to live a less distorted life.

Unfortunately, I learned all this at an online two-day conference by the author of “The Body Keeps Score” when I was 49 years old.

So…I thought I would share with anyone else who is unaware. Also please keep being creative and share your gifts with the world. With AI now, we need some original, human creativity. Shits getting weird at lightning speed.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJz3rVKTWWA/?igsh=NnJwY3M0b2lxc3E0

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJ6y6HNOj3g/?igsh=MTVndWVyZTU5ODJkaQ==

https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNBOZy3Cxxq/?igsh=M2ppbHF0bzQ3d2xu

https://www.audible.com/pd/0593412702?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=pdp

#Beyourself, Find A Way, Health & Wellness, Let Them, Mel Robbins, Mental Health, Women's Fight

How much do ya need?

January 13, 2025January 13, 2025 quillankellydunn

Now that whirlwind of the holiday season is over and we are collectively experiencing a massive dopamine crash…

Let’s take a moment now to reflect and ponder…How the hell did we do all that?

Or maybe “What was I thinking buying that?”

The glow of the Christmas lights ignites a warm feeling in our hearts and a goodwill toward others. It courses through our veins like heroin. It’s as if the high of “giving the perfect gift” intoxicates our mind and clouds our judgement. We think with our hearts instead of our brain. Thankfully for our bank account, it only happens once a year. Yet, I still love every minute of it and will do it all again next year.

This year, however, it seemed more apparent to me than in years past, the weeks before Christmas are more of a rush than the actual day. The preparation for Christmas, the tree, decorating, shopping, & wrapping gets us excited. This excitement from Black Friday until 12/25 is a perpetual, steady, high like no other.

I noticed on Christmas day, there was a slight sting hovering in the background; mourning the loss of the “anticipation“.

Don’t get me wrong, my Christmas week was a blast. This was an ambivalent feeling of pure joy, combined with a lump in the back of my throat. I miss “looking forward to it”. I miss being excited. Must be aging…

This got me thinking… if I live to 100, I’ll only have 49 more Christmases. 😢

https://www.instagram.com/p/DEKp9XQxgq-/?igsh=MWo5Nzcyb21pN3h5dw==

While I was watching my annual Christmas movie selections; I noticed another surprising change. I found that I was annoyed with George Bailey. I’ve been loyal to him for 35 years so it’s tough to admit, but I have lost patience for him in my old age. He sounds like a whiny brat at times.

I have been identifying more with the true hero of the story..Mary Hatch Bailey. Mary knew what was going on the whole time.

Mary Hatch knew she loved George even as a young girl.

Mary whispers in his bad ear,
“George Bailey, I’ll love you til
the day I die.”

She was subtle and assertive when something or someone stood in her way.

Aka Back off Bitch, you can’t have ALL the boys in this town!

She knew where she wanted to live. She visualized and wished with her heart; it worked. Little did she know without the internet or Instagram, that she was manifesting dat shit into her life.

Most of all, she innately knew what was important and could see the big picture. She didn’t need a whole production of angels coming down from heaven and putting on a show of “not being born” to let her know what life is all about…

Mary stayed focused on her goals and didn’t pay attention what other people were doing.

When there was dilemma, Mary found a solution.

When the whole town was bankrupt, she “lent” her honeymoon money to the community.

She fixed up the old house to make it a “home.” She he found a solution instead of whining about the cards she was dealt.

Am I still allowed to say she added
a “woman’s touch?”

She didn’t get embarrassed that her car was a p.o.s. or by what she was wearing.

Mary: “Why are you wearing diamonds and furs on a roadtrip?”

Mary had four babies, volunteered during the war and supported the well-being of her husband and kids.

When the $8000 went missing, she knew WHEN to ask for help from her friends. One person or family can’t do all the giving. She is aware that friendship is a two-way street.

She knew when to stop giving and to ask for help, she knew that pride doesn’t save anybody.

Therefore, we need to be aware of when to stop giving and start asking.

The key is, recognizing what is in your control and what is not.

Knowing when you need to LET others do what they are going to do.

Let others THINK what they are going to THINK.

Let people gossip.

Let people judge.

Let people display their true self all over the place.

Why? Because it is out of your control. Why expend the time and energy? If someone acts like they want to leave and doesn’t treat you the way you want, you can let them GO.

“Why don’t you GO HOME! aka GTFO George Bailey you lil bitch.”

Below is a link to 60 minutes of the best therapy ever (you can fast forward through commercials.)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5mCeQEWX2CvRVId19mUyrh?si=F50whAw6Tqa3JWYN5zzdWg&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1FgnTBfUlzkeKt

This podcast episode provides the tools and mindset on common situations such as: Dealing with a stressful boss, a break up or a divorce, when your children can’t get motivated or when you feel guilty about disappointing your family, or friends & more.

The game-changing concept that is also discussed “If every thought you had cost a dollar, would you keep thinking about it?” Would you keep wasting your energy if it cost money?

How much more do you need to know?

Other people are ahead of me in noticing this:

https://hopenation.org/why-mary-from-its-a-wonderful-life-is-basically-life-goals/

Book from the podcast:

https://www.audible.com/pd/B0DFMX1RT8?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=pdp

Runners up on seeing the big picture:

#Beyourself, #freedom, #homeschoolingrealshit, #teens, Badassery, coming of age, john hughes, parenting struggles, scoliosis, sixteen candles, Women's Fight

GEEK GIRL #1

July 6, 2023July 6, 2023 quillankellydunn

I found myself bending over, while someone dragged their fingers down my spine. I slowly walked back to the class wearing my plaid skirt, round collar blouse and unfortunate weskit (vest) and forgot about it.

I didn’t think about this random, bending-over screening again until I read the book Deenie by Judy Blume.

I was so confused by Deenie’s choice to hack off her hair because she was so angry about having to wear the brace.

I remember thinking “What’s the big deal about the brace? She only has to wear it for a few years. It’s not her fault. “

Then I saw Sixteen Candles…

I laughed just like everyone else did at “Geek Girl #1” played brilliantly by Joan Cusack. GG1 is a more memorable character, yet she doesn’t even have a name.

At least THE GEEK, the OG of geeks, receives an additional title aka Farmer Ted.

I always found the parts with GG1 hilarious, until July of 2020, when I observed my daughters spine X-Ray.

Reels of Geek Girl #1 played repeatedly in my head.

To make matters worse, the doctor (recommended by the pediatrician) never came in to speak with us. Instead I had find out from this nervous, pipsqueak physicians assistant. His beady, little eyes were peering over his mask. All I heard was custom brace, follow up every six months.

The nurse, not the doctor, calls to advise me “The doctor said that your daughter has to wear the brace 23 hours a day.”

Me: So you want ME to get my 12 year old preteen daughter who cannot tolerate a TAG touching her body to wear a brace for twenty-three hours a day?!

Nurse: Yes. Okay then. Good luck. Call with questions…Buh bye now.

Now all of your inner-parental-bullshit-meters, may be saying, “get a new doctor”. It was clear she had to wear a brace, I already got the order. Yada yada yada…I had bigger issues at hand.

I had one kid starting high school, one starting 8th grade and the giant task of getting my daughter to wear the brace…

Let the battles begin.

Since she was supposed to wear the brace 23 hours a day, we were pretty much fighting all day long. She adamantly refused to wear it during school. Her argument: she already has braces to maintain, she has to wear a mask all day at school & she would have to remove the back brace to go to the bathroom and have someone help her put it back on. This is all during the peak of covid. I surrendered on that one.

Finally we were able to get her to wear it while sleeping.

She was miserable and angry. We attempted to have her go to counseling to process her emotions about scoliosis, she refused to talk. We attempted to have her go to physical therapy, called the Schroth Method for Scoliosis. When she had an appointment in the evening, she was a beast the entire day.

Her amount of tenacity was baffling.

My daughter was told at PT that “even if you wear the brace 23 hours a day, we cannot promise that you won’t have to have surgery.” After this, my daughter begged to have the surgery every minute of every day that she was awake. I would leave the house as much as possible, but not many places to go during quarantine.

July of 2020-July of 2022 the brace war continued. She grew five inches and her hip and shoulder shift was becoming visible, so we had to get a new brace. I finally met the doctor. He saunters in the office with his lab coat and I’m not kidding, wearing khakis with hardcore, Roadhouse cowboy boots.

At this moment, I was glad for the mask that hid my disgust at his arrogance. Cowboy boots in Chicago seemed so unprofessional and downright odd. He then tells us in a condescending manner that “since she only wore the brace while sleeping, she can throw the brace away because she needs surgery.” This was the final straw.

I was was ready for the surgery but no way in hell was I gonna let this drugstore cowboy touch my daughter. I delegated the “battle of the brace” to Dad to find a new doctor.

My daughter loves to tell tales of her father during this time… When her Dad “went full on Karen.”

Introducing the male version of Karen:

Maciej (pronounced Ma-Chea)

Well… after “shooting many messengers” debating with many doctors & pulling my daughter out of school countless days for appointments; Dad found a winner.

When it comes to your kids spine… “Going Maciej” is the only way to go, he got it done effectively & efficiently. No mercy.

Our daughter had the surgery May 30th, 2023 at Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago. It was a success!

Overall, her new doctor, Dr. John Grayhack, was extremely smart, confident, sweet, funny & absolutely wonderful throughout this entire process.

Our daughter received exceptional nursing care, PT/OT and pain management/muscle relaxers.

She discharged on June 2nd. She had a rough three weeks at home with pain, not wanting to eat, medication withdrawal and exhaustion. She was instructed to walk twice a day and her body would adjust its own alignment. She was wiped after walks.

I told her pediatrician about the big dumb bohunk she referred me to and she deleted him from her system. She now refers to our doctor.

Follow up on July 10th with full release to normal activities. Just in time for her 16th birthday in August.

Sorry Jake Ryan, it is more important for her to love who she sees in the mirror.

P.S. I know some cool, fun, laid back Karen’s. Unfortunately your name is just an adjective for effect. Nothing personal.