I’m in that phase of marriage where I find myself often pondering…
“What the fuck was I thinking?”😂😂😂 Anyone else??🙋🏻♀️ Please comment below…let’s cut the bullshit cord.
It feels good to just say it.
I’ll say more…
We have nothing in common. We are completely different individuals. How did we end up together? We don’t make sense.
All I remember, honestly, is we both “taped Seinfeld” everyday. He told me that the first night we met, 22 years ago (wtf) at Reilly’s daughter. I gushed “so do I”.
I later discovered we both wrote our favorite part of the episodes on the video cassette label. I knew it was “love”.
Reality, I was drunk most of the time for one. He likes to eat a lot, so do I. We both liked pizza. We both liked movies…comedies and could quote them.
Jerry: What percentage of the population do you think is good looking?
Elaine: Like twenty, twenty-five percent.
Jerry: More like 4-6 percent.
Elaine: How are all these people getting together?
Jerry: Alcohol.
I could tolerate him sober. He made me laugh. Like laugh really hard. He still does. Especially when I want to punch him in the throat. He would also make me laugh at myself; I would rip on him back.
I’m not sure what happened besides the buzzkill of having kids, housework and bills.😜
We “can’t stand each other”. https://youtu.be/AjoTTva-FK8
George “Can’t stand ya.”
I can’t stand him.
However, a lot of what I “can’t stand” about him; is what I wish I could be: organized, punctual, focused and unemotional, .
The truth is, you have to reach a point where you can’t stand yourself any longer.
As a counselor, I am truly convinced that everyone has to truly DISCOVER what they need to do to change on their own…I would say this all the time to myself or to patients. Except this time I truly believe it…
https://markmanson.net/no-you-cant-make-a-person-change
Examples…I have read books for years to learn how to change, get organized, be more productive and I somehow would fall back into old habits. Why? Because I didn’t truly believe it would work, I didn’t set my mindset 100%, I got lazy, went back to comfortable, did it for the wrong reasons, and gave myself an out etc.
Personal REAL examples:
My old man and I argue often about what he thinks “clutter” is and what I think “clutter” is. When I say argue, I mean like I-would shank-you-if-I-could-get-away-with-it fights…about clutter!😂
Until one day, I became disgusted with my own clutter one too many times that I had to make the decision: “I have to do something about this.”
…
I am ashamed to admit it …🙈
Here goes…
Everything my old man has said to me is in GRETCHEN RUBIN’S book.🙈
“Inner order, Outer calm.”
He probably does everything in this book, (cantstandya) 🙈 BUT when he said it to me, I couldn’t hear him. 😂
He would say “if you put everything in the same spot, you wouldn’t spend so much time looking for it.”…
I heard “I’m better than you because I’m organized” I heard condescending tones and criticism…My brain translated his words into “you will never be good enough” and I felt pressure to be something that I am not. “I’m just messy” I thought. He’s just a heartless, smug mo fo😂
“Oh that Michael. I hate him. He’s so smug.”
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/ad4bcd28-7aa9-4941-8e04-628809420685#BkuxdoY6oS.sms
…
It’s fascinating to me (and annoying) how the brain is and how it functions combined with emotions. Everything is so difficult as it is, couldn’t cohabitating be easy. Sheesh.
Gretchen Rubin explained the WHY you should put everything in the same spot and the HOW. She provided solutions that made sense to me; which provided me with my own ideas that made sense in my messy brain. Her ideas made me excited to change. I don’t have to live with her either so I can hate her all I want.😂
Example: “Tray of Requirements”
(This is a constant blame game in our house…”where are the fucking remotes?”)
Whisper “cantstandya” to the melody of “by mennen” commercial
I can’t stand Gretchen Rubin! That is the beauty of an unbiased person, counselor, author etc. However, I respect Gretchen Rubin. Also she shares her own embarrassing clutter issues so you don’t feel stupid or alone. Delivery is everything- a subtle reminder to you smug mo fo’s- cantstandya.
The best part of advice from someone you don’t know: The emotions are removed so if you hate them, it won’t effect a long term relationship.
When my old man would say things about some of the kids toys or “to just get rid of it”. My kids and I would view this as heartless and cruel.
When discarding something, I always try to fix, reuse or donate. The problem, I put it aside to fix and I don’t. Which is what Gretchen Rubin says to do as well but also – “if it will take less than a minute, just do it right now” . She also states-Finish the project or abandon the project- it’s clutter. It causes underlying anxiety and stress provoking.
With clothes, instead of just dumping a bag on their porch; now I will ask someone I think of who could use the item or fit in it. At least give them an option- don’t dump your stuff on someone else to ease your guilt. Don’t just throw it out either. We are fucked with the state our planet is in but that’s a whole other topic. Anyways, back to how much I cant stand my old man 😂
I think, “He SHOULD do what I do.”
He thinks, “She should be like me.”
Gretchen Rubin explains the WHY you need to let go of some of the toys, clothes, belongings of the past and EMBRACE WHERE YOU ARE NOW.
My take on what Gretchen states…
If you hold onto clothes from a past career “in case you go back to it” you are never fully embracing the present, the career and position you currently have. That part of you is now in the past. You are not truly accepting you can handle this, this is what you want or you are afraid to fail.
If you are a New size from losing weight or body shape changing from exercise, however, you hold onto the past clothes “in case”…. You are not trusting yourself. You are letting yourself off the hook. Getting rid of those clothes will force you to stay accountable. BURN THAT BRIDGE. That’s what is meant by BURN THE BOATS. Then you are forced to figure it out…
It’s all about our perception. I have now learned to stop wasting energy explaining things to people bc no matter what, they will have to make the decision on their own. They will have find their own ways to learn it that makes sense to them…
Exception for kids… teach them by leading by example, they won’t care – but you pay the bills…
My kids have been actually excited and impressed with what I’ve accomplished and now they “want” to hang out where I’ve organized; yet seem respect the area. Gretchen Rubin symbolizes this by using this concept: “Fix the broken window theory by Thomas Merton”).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_windows_theory
And whenever you are wondering “what the fuck was I thinking?” Watch this clip:
Quillan Kelly-Dunn 