I don’t know about anybody else, but I am definitely not myself from Martin Luther King day until about Presidents’ Day. Four long, full weeks, with no days off.
During this time, I’m pounding vitamin D supplements like nobody’s business. It takes effort to feel motivated. A tremendous amount of energy & preparation is required to go for a walk outside.
Work, grocery shopping, exercising, cooking dinner, raising-teens, dishes, laundry, etc. the day-to-day feels so much heavier.
Now, this is the time where it’s a good idea to schedule some self-care & make plans with friends and family. Having something to look forward to makes a difference. Seeing the people you love in person, has an impact. Social connection has the power to help get you out of this funk.
I know this. Yet, I’m too tired to reach out. I’d rather just sit on the couch and wallow in this.
Yesterday, a Wednesday & Valentine’s Day, was an exceptionally tough day. It is my husband’s birthday so I wanted to cook a special dinner. I always forget to take the day off, thinking I can handle working, then rushing around cooking an elaborate spread.
Yes, I was going to make my kids assist, but sometimes delegating is even more exhausting. I do not always have the patience. Plus they may screw it up. 😂
Clearly, I was in my head and taking everything way too seriously.
I received a random text from a friend, T, that I haven’t talked to in a while, like years.
I’ve been meaning to call her especially after finding out too late, that her mother had passed.
I have had a post-it on my wall to send her a card for almost three weeks. It’s like, “Why don’t I just execute and do it? Why do I keep waiting?”
I was waiting for a “good time” to call her and finding the “perfect card to send her .”
So instead of texting her, I just called her right then, even though I was in middle of a car maintenance appointment.
There is no perfect time.
The call was interrupted, chaotic and silly but in that 35 minutes, it was real. Also, we were both laughing hysterically.
We hang up and go about our day, working & juggling motherhood. I went for a walk on my lunch since the sun was out. I asked my retired friend to join me, which also helped me get out of my head.
Early evening, after we both got through our day, T texted me, thanking me for the call.
She then goes on to tell me some amazing stories about her mom.
Why do we find out how spectacular someone is, after they’re already gone?
Such as, her mother had TWELVE children.
My friend T texts about her mom:
She’d tell my husband “mi hija es chingona. Sabes porque? Porque es mi hija.”
Translation: “My daughter is a bad ass. You know why? Because she’s my daughter. “
How cool is this? She sure sounds like a fun & fiesty lady.
T texts:
“Yep. I got all my seven sisters matching t shirts that say “chingona como mi madre”
T goes on to say:
“She loved the Rocky movies because my brother that passed, idolized the character. I went to Philly for work and took her with me to walk the steps and see the statue of Rocky.”
“I played the Rocky theme song on my phone while she walked up the steps.“
This is on my bucket list, so I’m intrigued. T sends me these fantastic pictures.
I am tearing up & smiling. I have the chills. Now…I’m obsessed with her mom. I am grieving this woman that I, unfortunately, never had the opportunity to meet.
Good reminder: The grief is always there. The griever will want to talk about the experiences they shared & the great things their loved one brought to this world. If they don’t, let it be their choice.
Don’t ever feel like “I didn’t want to bring it up.” It’s not like the person forgot about the loss. That pain is always lingering in the shadows.
I assume and doubt anyone is like “Oh, I forgot my mom died, thank you for the reminder & ruining my day.”
We can’t be afraid or avoid talking about this because it’s part of the beauty of life. The more powerful the love, the more powerful the loss.
To my surprise, by T talking about her loss & grief, she remembered a great accomplishment of her own.
T Texts:
“Omg and when I ran Chicago marathon my niece (my deceased brother’s daughter) made this poster for me.“
These trembling chills emerge down my spine, goosebumps on my arms as I’m reading her text, sitting in my office with these pictures right next to me:
If I never called her, I would’ve never known about this coincidence…this connection. This obsession we had in common.
I was chilly and involuntarily tingling for some reason. I put my cold hands under my thighs. I looked down at my chest and observe what I’m wearing.
I swear to God, this is 100% true
This is one brief moment in an ordinary day. Life again reminding me to:
Make the call. Send the text. Go out when you don’t feel like it. Show up for your friends. It’s not about you.
That imperfect phone call at a horrible time…
Wow.
P.S. My Husband “slyly” suggested we go out to dinner instead. I didn’t shower first and I wore the Rocky sweatshirt. 🤗
I’ve been also grieving Apollo Creed, Carl Weathers, Chubbs like he was my personal friend.
I also knew never this:
Quillan Kelly-Dunn 