Author: quillankellydunn

I have always enjoyed writing and laughing, even as a kid. I love dialogue in movies and the power of words. I discovered my ability for writing in high school and did not consider it a "talent" until a few of my friends in my class brought it to my attention during essay tests. They would witness me writing away on a test and slap me and say "What are you writing? How do you know how to answer this? How do you have so much written so far?" I would laugh and shrug my shoulders. I was a terrible student yet writing was one of those things "I could just do somehow". In grad school I wrote a project for my group dynamics class and it was like writing a screenplay; hours went by like minutes. I was obsessed with working on it and became completely in the flow, lost in the story. My mom read it and was laughing hysterically, which made me beam with pride. After this project, writing became my passion. I have found writing as a therapeutic outlet for me as well since I am a mom, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and a yoga instructor. I finally finished my first novel, a fictional coming of age story, which is loosely based on my family and our funny and not so funny experiences. My novel is about growing up on the south side of Chicago and the mentality that comes along with it; or maybe it's just me. I struggled for years with the fear of "putting myself out there" and worrying what people think until I realized that unless you put yourself out there, you will remain invisible in this world. A South Side Story is now available on paperback and kindle through Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Quillan Kelly-Dunn is my pen name. A South Side Story https://www.amazon.com/dp/1548863572/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_LKoBAbNE0ZJND

#greatpretender, #landmarkforum, Badassery, empath, Grief, gun control, Health & Wellness, march for our lives, vulnerability

Finding Time For Grace

September 6, 2019March 8, 2026 quillankellydunn

I decided in the last year that I’m not cooking dinner anymore. I decided this but I still felt guilty like I “should” cook dinner. I kept waiting and hoping for it to be enjoyable.

I definitely had this unrealistic vision of sitting down together every night, saying grace, eating a balanced meal and connecting about the highs and lows of our day. Reality: we end up fighting•everyone sighs in disgust when I put the food down• kids are never hungry because I have to feed them a “pre-dinner” because they are ravenous after school. Then a “post” dinner -again conveniently before bedtime. I make them breakfast, lunch, & snacks.

Kids have games, practices, homework, and us parents may have unfinished work from both our full time jobs and side jobs, traffic to fight and no energy left to use 15 dishes and load dishwasher for the 2nd or 3rd time that day.

Last year, a mom with five kids, 11 and under, said to me “I don’t cook”. I was in awe. She said that sometimes she goes to Mariano’s to get chicken and they grill it for her for free. Sometimes they have sandwiches. She doesn’t cook…ever.

She is my hero.

However, she does have time and energy to do fun things with her kids, coach them and spend time with them. Kids will remember her presence; not the amazing dinner she cooked. I decided to do this too, however I always had this nagging “should” guilt. This is also exacerbated when my daughter exclaims “you don’t feed me.”

I wrote myself a permission slip this week to myself, for myself, that I no longer have to cook dinner and permission to not feel guilt. (Concept by Brene Brown). A permission slip, means “it’s okay”& “I’m off the hook.” Like how you write a permission slip to excuse your kids for stuff; do it for yourself.

I stopped comparing myself to other families and feeling like a loser because other people eat dinner together. It might work for other families and their schedule. For my family, it doesn’t work… ever. It never has and I doubt it ever will.

My kids are old enough now to read directions and make their own dinner. You want chicken nuggets, go for it. Frozen pizza- I don’t care- go ahead. I surrender this battle. If my husband wants dinner, he can cook it, we both work. He also is a way better cook with less mess. I’m done with this standoff every night on who will suck it up and cook. 😂

Since giving myself permission and by letting go of this guilt; I have felt very liberated and free. One day last week we were all home together so I actually cooked dinner because “I felt like it.”

I discovered that I now have more time for other things than making dinner and saying grace. I now have time to notice grace.

Despite my kids going to Catholic school, I struggle with my faith at times. With all the tragedies and evil that is done, it is difficult to not become jaded.

Which in turn may cause a person to question their faith and remembering how to stay on their own path. Don’t doubt or question.

How can you experience joy while people are getting killed by some senseless massacre? How are you supposed to feel content and at peace when there is terrible illnesses in this world? I feel like a real asshole experiencing frustration about my kids game conflicts or having fun with my friends when there is so much pain in the world.

I put this audiobook on hold at the library a long time ago (like 15 weeks). I forgot about it. The book became available at exactly when I needed it.

All chapters are summaries of different super soul Sunday’s that Oprah has done. (Now you may have a pre-judgement about Oprah as I once did and immediately say, “I don’t like Oprah. She bugs me. She’s full of herself.” Oprah will tell you and admit “I am full of myself, I have to be full in order to give.”) I now understand her more and realize I was judging her instead of paying attention to what her true intention is…to serve others.

Every chapter of this book gives you something truly thought provoking.

I see patients at my job who are disabled. Many have dementia and Alzheimer’s. I have to keep my boundaries up at work to stay unbiased, objective and remain detached. This is healthy and necessary to prevent burn out. These boundaries are to prevent myself from becoming too emotionally attached. The brain is truly fascinating how it can be trained to do certain things. My “fortress“ goes up in work mode as if I push a button in my brain. It just…happens.

I am sure police officers, firemen, nurses, doctors and anyone in service industry all possess a similar capability. It’s essential for survival.

Anyways, I am at home where my boundaries are not up and going through the motions of doing this online training for work…it was on Alzheimer’s.

Alzheimer’s makes me cry.

Alzheimer’s makes my heart hurt.

Alzheimer’s makes me question my faith.

I don’t want to feel this.

I don’t want to think about it.

I don’t want to think of this harsh reality. I don’t want to think of my friends who have had parents go through this. I don’t want to think about my mother-in-law.

This CBT work training was 10 chapters, I was on chapter 6 when I felt this overpowering need to stop.

I was becoming crabby, frustrated and sad.

I wanted to keep bulldozing through it and “get it done”. Then things continued to happen; my kids needed me, I got a phone call, I had to go to the bathroom…etc.

Finally I surrendered and gave up attempting to finish the work training.

I woke up yesterday morning on my own… very early. I took this opportunity to “get this dumb training done.”

I was listening to the book-Chapter 8 on GRACE; Oprah interviews Dr. Caroline Myss.

Oprah asks Dr. Caroline Myss, “What is Grace?”

Caroline: “Grace is something that will prevent you from doing something that you cannot take back. Grace comes in and says “you will be OK”. Grace is a power that comes in and transforms a moment into something better.”

Oprah asks Caroline “How does Grace work?” .

Caroline: “When you are in a huge argument and you are so angry and you want to say something so intentionally hurtful and mean…and that inner voice says, “You sure you want to do that?” …That’s Grace. 🤯

Finally, something I can use!😂

She also answers questions raw & real like:

“What is prayer?”

“What is your definition of God?”

“How do you know when to surrender and let go?”

“How do I know I am making the right decision?”

You have to listen to this for yourself to discover your own enlightenment.

I will share though, Dr. Caroline Myss’s concept of “The Sacred Contract”

“The shared contract is the reason you were born. It’s not a literal document. It’s a spiritual document that our soul recognizes. It’s the feeling of “there’s something I know I was meant to do.” It’s a fundamental agreement that you simply feel because it reveals itself to you through ideas, coincidences, synchronicity’s, obligations that you can’t get out of, mad love you can’t stop, serendipity’s. People are in the dark about their reason for being here. People define it by what they want instead of what they have. People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

So I listened and cried…I was vulnerable and my heart was wide open. (I usually try to avoid feeling this way🙈 Hello white claw, amazon, donuts, gossip, Netflix binges.) This time I sat with it. I felt it. I resisted the urge to run away and “do” something else. I resisted the urge to stop “feeling”.

I got it together eventually and turned on my computer to finish my training for work on Alzheimer’s.

There it was…all the answers to my questions.

Chapter 7 SPIRITUAL & PALLIATIVE CARE FOR ALZHEIMER’S

Right there…was GRACE.

If I read this last night while crabby, frustrated and jaded- I would’ve missed what I really needed to learn. Thankfully grace intervened telling me to take a break, it’s ok. Grace was giving me permission.

I was now able to read this chapter with an open heart and open mind; despite my struggling with my faith the day before. Instead of being annoyed and complaining about this training I had to do; I was exceptionally grateful that I was given this opportunity from my employer to learn this. I realized by “hurrying up” and “just trying to get it done”; I would have missed the joy and pain of learning this.

I oddly found clarity by feeling both sadness and gratitude/joy and pain simultaneously. I was able to see the answer to my earlier question about “how am I supposed to feel joy without guilt?” to fully grasp and recognize what I read last week in Brene Brown’s Braving the Wilderness below:

“The more we diminish our own pain or rank it compared to what others have survived…the less empathetic we become. When we surrender our own pain to make others feel less alone… or to make ourselves feel less guilty… we deplete ourselves of what it feels like to be fully alive and fueled by purpose.” -Brene Brown

Below is Caroline Myss Ted talk.

https://youtu.be/-KysuBl2m_w

Caroline Myss

http://www.supersoul.tv/tag/caroline-myss

Brene Brown On Practicing civility

https://brenebrown.com/articles/2017/11/08/gun-reform-speaking-truth-bullshit-practicing-civility-effecting-change-2/

Permission slips

https://youtu.be/NY6hZf6kI4g

#freedom

Ode To My Mother

May 12, 2019 quillankellydunn

via Ode To My Mother

#freedom

Ode To My Mother

May 12, 2019May 10, 2026 quillankellydunn

One year in the 80’s, my siblings and I were watching Saturday morning cartoons while our mom cooked us breakfast. We would start bickering and saying dumb things like “Mom! She’s looking at me!”

“Mom! He’s sitting in my spot on the couch!”

My mother would storm into the room and say things like “Thanks a lot! Happy Mother’s Day!” Then we would all giggle together at her expense. Mother’s Day is tomorrow lady.

We didn’t get it.

We didn’t know.

No matter how many times she would say it.

We didn’t grasp what it is involved in being a mother or what the day meant.

I cringe now at my ignorance and selfishness.

Thankfully this memory helps me in not expecting my kids to get it either.

I think it’s our job and the FATHER’s job to also teach the children what being a mother means and what we want/need…ahead of time. All year long!

Mom’s all truly want peace.

Mom’s all truly want appreciation.

Mom’s want acknowledgement.

Mom’s want gratitude.

Mom’s want empathy.

Mom’s want to be left alone at times, without guilt. So we can re-group and be a better mom…because we have the space to take care of ourselves…our mental health…our bodies.

Not only on Mother’s Day, but everyday.

I learn this a little more each year.

I empathize with my mother now and attempt to forgive myself for how I treated her. It took me 44 years but I believe I truly get it now. I know she would love for me to say all the words of wisdom she taught me.

However, she did something better than words; SHE LEAD BY EXAMPLE.

She always pointed out the light in the darkness.

She didn’t say “class never goes out of style” and “you are what you surround yourself with”…she showed us.

I am sure she wanted to let us watch TV all day and leave her alone; but she only allowed us to watch Channel 11 and PG rated movies. I loved Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street even as a teenager 🙈. I learned to read before kindergarten because she read to me and by watching Sesame Street.

She made us watch old movies no matter how much we argued and debated. We fought hard to watch the latest movies. Now all of us appreciate Hollywood, taste and class; instead of the latest trend.

She didn’t tell me not care what people thought, she lived it. (Example: she dressed the part for everything! One time she wore a little leprechaun outfit with pointy elf shoes to the parish St. Patrick’s party.)

She didn’t tell me to allow my faith to guide me; she practiced this literally everyday. (Example: When I was a teenager, I was A BEAST! I always had to have the last word, I hit below the belt with my mouth.)

When I was on her last thread of patience…she would leave and walk to Mary’s grotto and pray. (She didn’t drive either).

She always went to church. Prayer was her white claws;). She didn’t drink alcohol, smoke or have any chemical vices. She volunteered her time despite having FIVE kids; one with special needs.

She didn’t tell me to take pride in my work, to always make people feel special, important AND to do the best job possible no matter how small. (My mom was a cashier at neighborhood store and took pride in selling cigarettes, lottery tickets and over-counter stuff. She took the time to smile, remember everyone’s name, and make them feel important.) Honestly, no one has ever forgotten my mom and how she made them feel. People from my neighborhood ask me immediately how my mom is doing like I’m chopped liver. (My mom loves hearing this.)

She didn’t tell me to have gratitude, write in a gratitude journal or to appreciate life as a gift. She lived it everyday by saying small things like “today is the last day you are eleven” or “today is the last day of your thirties “😂 or “be happy to be alive”. She has taken the train and bus to concerts or activities even alone because she appreciates every event, every effort, every thought. She never wants to miss a moment. She loves life.

She didn’t tell me to see the good in everyone and not to judge. She showed this by how she treated all of us, our friends and especially my brother’s friends who practically lived at our house. No matter how much trouble they caused her, how rude they may have been, how late they stayed, how loud they were or legal stuff they got into; my mom was someone they all came to for help. She welcomed them with open arms and only saw the good in them. She truly saved a lot of souls. She knows all of their names and their story.

She didn’t tell me to SHOW UP, stick with your word and your commitment; she was the queen of this. She didn’t tell me to “put some lipstick on, drink some coffee, listen to some gangsta rap and handle it” she actually did.it.every.time.

She does love coffee and strongly encourages anyone to drink it. She doesn’t like gangsta rap, however her appreciation of music and The Beatles worked for her every time. This made me also love music; real music. I was always amazed at what my mom would be dealing with, how much she would be crying, how angry she would be but still always show up to something in public. She would put on some lipstick and mascara; put a smile on her face and show up to whatever she committed to…no matter what chaos or tragedies were happening behind closed doors.

She didn’t tell me why fit in when I was born stand out. She took all of her school volunteer jobs seriously. Example-she volunteered to be “picture lady” once a month and taught a class about a work of art. Everyone else’s mom wore whatever, honestly I can’t even remember who’s mom was picture lady now. My mom “became the painting!” She dressed up as each painting! She wore a raincoat and galoshes to match a fisherman painting. She wore a bonnet, blue coat and brought my little sister to become “Mother and Daughter” by Claude Monet.

As much as I was embarrassed, I learned so much about art from her. I now have a deep appreciation for art, music, words and life. I’m glad she stood out and now it’s a beautiful memory. She knew my teen brain judging her would pass. Now I think it’s awesome what she did.

She didn’t tell me to laugh at myself, she did all the time.

She didn’t tell me not to give up; she never did…EVER. Still hasn’t. No matter how many times her heart was broken.

I also learn everyday from my moms personal struggles. Watching her selflessness and also mistakes taught me that:

•You have to take care of yourself first no matter what

•No one is coming to save you

•If you want something, you need to work for it everyday

•Marriage is no guarantee and as much as you want to stab him, it’s better to stay married and forgive to keep everyone on the same page. However, if you are the only one fighting…and have no choice but to do it alone…you WILL SURVIVE.

•Marriage is a commitment and you honor your word.

•Inconsistent discipline is no joke.

•Compromise and picking your battles is grounds for survival

Motherhood never ends.

The learning never stops…

As I watch her enjoying her latest grandkids; I am starting to understand how the heart continues to grow three sizes with each addition to her tribe.

Her LEGACY continues to grow and I hope she realizes this now. She is appreciated, adored, loved and cherished. If she doesn’t feel that way, that’s up to her to believe it 😜

#freedom, parenting struggles

It’s gonna be…Oh wait… it already is

May 10, 2019April 28, 2022 quillankellydunn

The last few weeks of April are hell for Justin Timberlake. All the memes and jokes flood social media stating that “It’s gonna be May”. (If you’re not familiar with why he hates May-here…

In a *NSYNC song, “It’s gonna be Me”, JT says the word ME in a strange way that sounds like MAY. Despite JT putting himself out there thousands of times and killing it, this one cringey flub consumes all of his massive success and talent every year during the month of May…👈🏻 Here he is, as an adult having to do it…again.

I dread May as JT does, however I have no famous memes to remind me, until it is already here, and then I remember. The end-of-the-year-last-minute chaos with all the school functions smashed into four weeks. When all the sports overlap, the parties and the calendar resembles a Tetris game. This game of a calendar is perfectly “NSYNC” 😉 to remind me on the hour that:

I. AM. A. Fucking. Mess.

I.Cannnot.Do.Anything.Right.As.A.Mom.

Every year it gets worse because the kids become wiser, smarter and catch on to how inadequate at this I really am. They remind me every 6 minutes of something I did not do or they need (Mom, you forgot to give me money for this.) Along with, Can we go here? Can we get this? Can we invite this person over on Friday? (It’s Monday). Following the question drill, I continuously put it back on them. Did do you do your homework? Did you study? Did you brush your teeth? Do you have practice? Do you have a game? Did you wipe your ass?

Daily Banter

Kid: “Mom, I asked you to make me something to eat.”

Me: “Yes and I replied …Can’t you make something yourself?”

Kid: “We have no food.”

Me: “Yes we do.”

Kid: “Like what?”

Me: (Grrrrr) Pizza, chicken strips, PBJ, We have Lunchmeat, make a sandwich. Carrots and hummus, chips and guac, apple or banana with peanut butter, string cheese.”

Kid: “I have that everyday, I had that for lunch.”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell ya, figure it out.”

Kid: “You don’t even care.”

Me: (Blood pressure rising) “This isn’t a restaurant. You eat what we have in the house.”

Kid: “Can I have some money then?”

Me: (biting lip/clenching fists) “For what?”

“Kid: “To ride my bike to Subway?”

Me: “Ummmm, NO. I just named like 10 things we have in the house.”

Kid: “Yea, but I don’t want that.”

Me: “If you don’t “want that” use your own money and go to Subway.”

Kid: “NO! I don’t want to waste my money on that! You’re supposed to feed me.”

Me: (Face getting red) Please leave the room. This discussion is over.”

Kid: “Thanks a lot! You don’t even feed me!”

May: $#&%*@%&$*@&!%#

I am sure we all remember the day when we first realized our mom’s flaws and she really doesn’t know what the fuck she is doing. I remember that day, when I first “saw” my mom without the rose-colored glasses. We all remember when our mom says stuff that makes us cringe. When you realize that she is funny-looking when she is angry and you want to laugh because she looks funny, but you know she’s angry…that realization.

I noticed my mom’s humanness in about 6th grade (same as my daughter, awesome, good times.) I was at school wearing my brown “weskit” uniform vest when I discovered my little brother’s brown socks were static-clung to the inside of my vest. Later on that day, my mom brought my lunch to school for the 45th time that year and finally my classmate asked me, “how come your mom always brings your lunch to school late?” I never even considered this as weird until someone pointed it out. Then the little realities continued to trickle in and I gradually realized my parents were frauds.

I remembered this “weskit” incident this past Tuesday when I didn’t check the hot lunch schedule and realized that morning my kids did not have lunches; AND we had zero food for them to make their own lunch. They outlandishly claim they told me the night before.

I went to the doctor straight after drop off in the clothes I slept in to get urgent meds for a UTI. I then dragged myself to target to get food, threw it in their lunch boxes and hobbled to the school entrance. Usually when I have had to do this countless times over the years, I am buzzed right in. Not Today.

This time, when I rang the bell, the woman at the front desk said over the intercom outside, “Can I help you?” She didn’t even recognize me! I assume she thought I was some homeless lunatic; not that I blame her. She even asked me my last name and kids names. Huh? Doncha know may?

This incident triggered the downward spiral of me screwing up over and over every few minutes: at work, at home, at school, with my kids, with my friends, and with my family. It was as if I turned into Mr. Bean overnight, again! Everything I touched, said or did turned to shit. #theshittouch

Which you know how that goes; the more you think about it, the more it happens. I could not snap out of it.

Today was exceptionally brutal and I could not even consider anything I usually do to end this tailspin of humiliation.I wanted to blame someone for the self-created web of hell I got myself into. I woke up late, I made about 700 mistakes before noon, was tardy for every patient appointment (I mean how can every ramp be closed at once on 90/94?) and all I could think about was crawling back into bed and hiding under the covers.

This fantasy was interrupted when my daughter called because I did not pick them up from school. I knew I wouldn’t be able to, BUT I forgot to arrange a ride. Then I receive a text about something I volunteered for at school which I had no recollection of until that moment. For the love of God! Please leave MAY alone!

I sheepishly go see another patient, (husband and wife married 60 years, who primarily speak Ukranian and Russian; they insist on not using a translator. They say “We want to try to speak to you in your language.”)I was ready to thank them for their patience with my inadequacy. Instead, I am greeted with a hug and exclaimed, “We are so glad to see you!”

(I turn around thinking there was someone else behind me.)

They continue, “We are very happy! This is a big day in our country!”

They both describe why they are so happy, adorably, in their accents and broken English about Victory Day. I am ashamed to admit that I did not know what they were referring to.

Wife: “In your country, May 8th, 1945, the war over. On May 9th, 1945.. the war over in my country. I remember I was so happy. It was so long. I was four years old when war started, my parents tell me we must move to Siberia. It was so cold there. Me, my brothers and sisters would lay down on the floor with head in knees, so scared, hearing planes. My mother would hide bread high up so we not find it and give us a tiny piece once a day. We so hungry, we beg my mom everyday for more. We were so cold. We were so scared.” Tears glaze over her eyes, her husband holds her arm. My eyes well up now. “My husband, he had to go to Siberia too and wait for war to be over, not us together (she laughs nervously), but he had to do same.”

Husband: “Yes. Excuse me. I go. Same.” (He Shakes head, becomes choked up.)

Wife: “So every year, this day, we are very happy. We thanks God. We hear on the radio, war over, my mother, my father, my brothers, sisters, we hug, we cry, we thanks God. We can go home. We remember everyone who die.” She holds her hand to her chest, does sign of the cross and looks up.

Husband: “Excuse me. We want you to have this. We are happy you and your family do not have to have war. Please. Take. We happy today.” (He says excuse me before he says anything in english, it’s so cute!)

Culturally, it is very rude not to accept gifts in their country and they insist on giving me European chocolate after each visit. Today was, well, above and beyond. I imagine if I refuse to take it, he may react the same way the Ukrainian man in the Seinfeld episode reacts to the game of risk when Kramer refers to the Ukraine as “weak”.

This Seinfeld clip of the Ukraine makes me laugh, finally. I walk to my car holding candy, feeling humble, grateful, tearful and smiling. That visit knocked me right out of my tailspin. I thought about her mother, in fucking Siberia (for real) for three years! I thought about her trying to keep her family alive and having to give her kids a quarter slice of bread per day. I thought about the guilt she felt when her children complained of being terrified, hungry, bored, and cold every day for three years. Now that is some real motherhood struggles right there. I feel foolish now for even being stressed. None of it matters.

I am back to loving life while being a jack ass.

I thanks God too.

All the stuff I was dealing with is nonsense.

It’s Insignificant.

It’s Motherhood.

And Justin Timberlake…he’s a bad ass.

And the Ukraine is sure as hell not weak.

https://youtu.be/lZfJ1ZP3Ywg

#freedom, Health & Wellness, migraine relief

When your head feels like it’s going to explode…

March 12, 2019April 20, 2021 quillankellydunn

Headaches and migraines SUCK! Here are some solutions I’ve researched and tried over the last 30 years🙈.

My son had migraine cycling vomiting syndrome since age 4 where he would get a migraine and throw up for about 3-4 days every July and February. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I only noticed pattern because it was around 4th of July and Superbowl. Pediatrician recommended neurologist. We Did a food elimination diet and allergy testing with him. He is allergic to egg whites and seasonal stuff. He is not allergic to dairy per the test, however dairy and nitrates triggered migraines.

He has been seeing this neurologist since age 6 and has been prescribed cyproheptadine. He is 15 now and pretty much migraine free- he still takes the medicine but his dosage has stated same. Neurologist name: Priti Singh, MD 1 (630) 230-3372.

Why do a food elimination diet: Our body adapts to whatever we are eating everyday because it has to. Taking a break for 30 days removes this adaptation from your system so when you re-introduce the food, your body reacts. This helps you identify the trigger and then you can avoid the symptoms in the future by not consuming this food. Example: I used to eat ice cream and cheese like it was going out of style. I craved it. I never had any “immediate” symptoms.

Then I tried eliminating it for 30 days (I went into a cheese withdrawal depression for real). I was not expecting any changes (also hoping). I was shocked!

I noticed my joints were more flexible and I didn’t even realize I was walking like Frankenstein when I woke up in the morning until I stopped dairy. After about 10 days dairy free, I felt limber/not as achey/stiff. Now dairy triggers a migraine for me within hour or two. Dairy also triggers asthmatic episodes, congestion, sinus headaches and more frequent sinus infections, clogged ears.

Life is hard without cheese but it’s not even worth it to eat it with how bad I felt. Now dairy free ice cream and cheese exist- getting better! Some gluten free stuff is better than the regular!

Headache/Migraine preventative tips:

1. Sounds so simple but Make sure you stay hydrated. Right when you wake up drink at least 12oz water, warm or room temp best, but cold fine too. Drink 8-12 oz every hour. Set reminder on your phone. Coffee and other caffeine products dehydrate you so you have to drink more water. For Every 8oz coffee=12 oz water.

2. Keep a food journal and log migraines or headaches. You may notice a pattern with a food that could be triggering migraines: nitrates, sulfites, MSG, chocolate, aged cheeses

3. Complete a food elimination diet-Go Dairy free for 30 days and note daily how you feel. When you reintroduce dairy you may notice symptoms you did not know you had.

4. Food elimination diet- Gluten: After you complete dairy elimination /Go gluten free for 30 days and note symptoms. (Same as above). Then try eliminating other foods like eggs, chocolate, soy, aged meats and cheeses which have sulfates and nitrates. etc.

5. Use a Neti-pot with saline packets after the shower every day to remove pollen and particles that fester in your nasal cavity. Migraines begin in the sinuses usually.

Also if you have allergies-taking Sudafed or an antihistamine like Benadryl at night helps and also nasal sprays like Flo-base. Naturally based nasal spray – spray saline or zicam. https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/productlist/zicam-adult-cold-remedies/N=361457-2772

6. Use a crossbody purse- heavy bags on shoulders affect neck and shoulders- and trigger tension.

7. If you over 21 😉 – alcohol also dehydrates you. Wine has sulfites that trigger migraines. Beer has histamines – google those.

8. Yoga/Pilates-Stretches your back and neck to prevent tension, encourages breathing. You may not even notice that you hold your breath. People who have anxiety hold their breath, not enough oxygen=migraine trigger.

9. Again Stay hydrated- Dehydration biggest trigger for migraines/headaches. If you are thirsty, you are already dehydrated. A low calorie super hydration is Nuun tablets They are sold at target, dick’s, amazon. I drink one tablet with a 24-36 ounces of water right when I wake up.

10. Eliminate: Fake sugar aspartame from your life found in diet colas etc. COLAS are the biggest trigger for muscle tension.

11. Avoid perfumes and heavy fragrances -big trigger for migraine. (Unfortunately Bath & Body works for me= 🤮 😵)

12. Meditate: 10-20 minutes daily- use noise canceling headphones and listen to guided meditation podcasts, white noise machine and just breathe etc to help

13. Supplement with magnesium rich and omega foods:Some of the best food sources of magnesium are:organic leafy greens- spinach/chard•Figs•avocados•bananas•dark chocolate•nuts and seeds•mackerel, tuna, and Pollock fish •low-fat yogurt or kefir•black beans and lentils

14. Supplements like: CoQ10 150 mg-300 mg daily, Iron (especially during period) and Vitamin B12 regularly could help prevent.

15. This sounds coo coo- I know but Pay attention to barometric pressure- sudden drops or rises in barometric pressure (like sudden temperature changes, when it’s about to rain, etc) is a big trigger for migraines….***the weather app Displays the pressure daily.

Weather changes: This is something out of your control so this is when you should just take Advil or your prescription (sumatriptan generic for Imitrex is usually covered by insurance) before you have a headache/migraine. Getting ahead of the pain prevents a massive blow up that takes hours to go away.

16. Hormonal changes is a huge trigger for migraines so take Advil, magnesium, Vitamin D, B-stress complex when you are PMSING. Drink 100oz of water daily.

17. Get rid of your cleaning supplies such as bleach – or strong scented products and use More naturally derived cleaning products like Meyer. Norwex cloths which use silver technology and water to kill 99.9 % of germs. Melalueca has a disinfectant called solu-guard that kills 99.9% of bacteria without the harmful fumes and respiratory distress.

18. Get tested by an allergist so you are aware what you are allergic to, then if you know what season, you will be proactive by taking antihistamine. Example: Ragweed in the fall is brutal – so I take Benadryl or Lortadine (Claritin) every night during fall.

19. Wash sheets in hot water every two weeks to kill dust mites and remove pollen and other allergens (sometimes fragrance in fabric softener or detergents cause migraines). Unfortunately keep windows closed during the allergy season

20. Swimming sometimes helps-the cold water, getting heart and respiratory rate up is sometimes what you need even if you do not feel like it.

If none of above work:

21. See an Acupuncturist monthly- acupuncturists use trigger points that can remove migraine/headache immediately, release stress, pressure and get the “Qi” (chi) flowing again.

22. Chiropractor consult -some insurances even cover massages while performed in a chiropractor office. TMJ from teeth grinding also a big trigger for migraines. This dental guard helps you stop grinding your back teeth and clenching jaw:Dental Guard SMARTGUARD ELITE (2… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XXRSFKC?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

When you already have a migraine:

When you already have a headache/migraine:

1. When you feel the tension starting to build or sudden onset or migraine aura, example: see floaters etc. Take Advil, Aleve or the prescription sumatriptan immediately 👇🏻 The earlier you take it, the faster it will go away.

2.Source Naturals Ultra-Mag High-Efficiency Magnesium Complex – Maintains Muscle & Nerve Function – 120 Tablets https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00020I91A/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_MMZ4WTK54EM1XAW7E60M?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Garden of Life Dr. Formulated… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079D3X1Z3?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

3. Lay down in dark room- see pressure points link below: https://pin.it/mtrk652cm4mitz

4. Diffuse peppermint oil and also mix 2 drops peppermint oil•2 drops lavender oil •2 drops frankincense in your facial lotion or tbsp of refined (I scented)coconut oil and put over temples, behind ears, earlobes, forehead, neck, park of neck where meets skull, cheeks next to nose and along nose

5. Put two tennis balls in a sock and lay on them at areas of trigger points, mainly behind neck where neck meets skull

6. Alternate Ice pack wrapped in towel over eyebrows, top of head and neck – hold it there as long as tolerated

7. 20 minute Hot bath with epsom salt, couple drops lavender, eucalyptus, camphor and peppermint oil. Let hot water run on your head. Also you can sit on side of tub with hands and feet in the hot water with ice pack on neck or frozen peas. Or take steamy shower or bath with: JOHNSON’S Soothing Vapor Bath 15 oz (Pack of 3) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IAI90G8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_hu8HCbT85F

8. Immediately after hot bath- do netipot with ice cold water – might be painful but it clears and constructs sinus cavities which triggers migraines

9. Drink Pedialyte – small amounts every 15 minutes-especially if you are vomiting.

10. Coffee & black tea also good for migraines because caffeine constricts blood vessels but caffeine withdrawal also triggers migraines so make sure you drink 12 ounces of extra water for every cup of coffee/tea consumed.

11. Make rollerball vial with 2 drops peppermint oil•2 drops of eucalyptus oil •2 drops frankincense and mix carrier oil such as coconut oil, grape seed oil etc. Roll on temples, eyebrows, behind ears, neck,

12. Make frozen washcloths: Mix one cup of water & 1/4 cup alcohol: 2 drops peppermint oil•2 drops of eucalyptus oil •2 drops frankincense and mix

13. If you don’t like essentials oils: You can use Biofreeze on neck, behind ears etc. The roller is awesome.

14. When all else fails: ICE CREAM or sorbet-You can usually keep it down and the cold helps with migraine. Coffee ice cream and they have tons of dairy free ice cream now!

15. Sounds weird but chicken soup or MISO soup (at Japanese restaurants) helps, the heat/steam helps clear sinuses and the live cultures do something

16. I know coke or cherry coke can remove rust off cars so imagine what it does to your insides. HOWEVER, sometimes it’s the only cure so if you have to get a fountain one from McDonald’s 😂 just drink enough water after to compensate for caffeine

Resources:

Follow this Pinterest board:

https://pin.it/3YwBCdO

Heal Your Headache https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761125663?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Biofreeze Pain Relief Gel, 4 oz…. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007ECFNQS?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Dental Guard SMARTGUARD ELITE (2… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XXRSFKC?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

#freedom, Women's Fight

PYRAMID BITCHES

March 8, 2019March 8, 2019 quillankellydunn

The self-doubt is always there, but my WHY keeps me from listening most of the time.

However, yesterday was one of those days where I was “in my head” and unable to ignore that innate critic that lives in my brain.

The inner voice was louder than usual,

“You should quit”

“No one cares”

“Who are you to think you can make a difference”

“I can’t do it all”

“I can’t work, take care of myself and be a good mom.”

“I should give up”

“That’s a stupid idea.”

“That’s not going to work”

“you will never afford that”

“Maybe I am doing too much”

“You aren’t good enough yet”

“Maybe I should wait until I’m better”.

Which all equals, I SUCK.

I caught myself all slumped over at my desk working, dejected with a pathetic self-pitying expression on my face.

I moped to my mailbox expecting more “stuff I gotta take care of” (wah wah). Perhaps another red light violation ticket from Crestwood Police Department for turning right on a red light. Instead, I received a letter from a friend from high school, (how exciting right!? Real mail not just bills!) who was one of my Beachbody customers, previous challenge group winners and my first Rodan and Fields customer. These two journals (pictured) were inside.

When I thanked her, this badass replied that when she saw them, she thought of ME! Then she actually took action on her thought and actually followed through and mailed them to me! (How many times do we think of doing something and then hesitate or don’t take the time to do it?)

I was shocked she thought of ME? I’m nobody, I’m just another girl from the Southside of Chicago.

In reality, ME = YOU and we are all equal. We are all doing the best that we can with what we know and what we have. WE are like every other woman in this world. We possess something incredible to offer to the world, each other and our families. When we all support each other=everybody wins.

To me, this tiny, unexpected gift is a value of an entire years income in terms of fulfillment. Incredible moments and words like this make this roller coaster all worth it.

This was a priceless reminder that:

Success is not about your circumstances, it’s about who you’re being. Jen Sincero -author of You are a Bad Ass

It is a reminder about who I am being and what I stand for. I stand for empowering women to empower themselves, recognize their worth, their power, find their strength, and I live that congruently everyday. I stand for men who respect women, our power, and our strength. I stand for men who can embrace what we bring to the table which may not always mean an equal paycheck.

I stand for women to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about themselves without waiting for someone to compliment them for it to mean anything. I stand for women to take action on what they want for themselves without guilt or asking permission. I stand for women taking the initiative to do something for themselves without waiting or being dependent on anyone else. I stand for inner power, confidence and teams/groups to empower support and success.

I stand for dedication, consistency, hard work, and commitment which equals results. What do you stand for?

Post below

#Beyourself, #freedom, #landmarkforum, #opportunity, #rodanandfields, #sidehustle, Uncategorized, vulnerability, Women's Fight

Saying YES

January 31, 2019January 13, 2025 quillankellydunn

Remember that story about the guy trapped in a flood on his rooftop and he begs God to save him? First a man in a rowboat shows up and shouts “Jump in, I can save you!” The says “No, its okay, I am waiting for God to save me.”

Then a guy in a motorboat (that motorboatin sonofabitch) shows up and says “Jump in, I can save you…”

The guy declines again and says “NO, its okay, I am waiting for God to save me.”

Lastly, a guy in a helicopter shows up. The guy on the rooftop remained stuck in his faith, beliefs and expectations; gracefully refuses. He answers “I am waiting for God to save me”.

Alas, the guy drowns. When he arrives in heaven, he angrily exclaims to God, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, YOU let me drown! I don’t understand WHY!

God replied. “I sent you a rowboat, a motorboat (built for speed and comfort), and a helicopter. What more did you expect? God shakes his head and walks away whispering “dumbass” under his breath…

What did the guy expect? God himself to show up? He’s a busy guy. He sent his peeps to do his work. This guy clung on to his EXPECTATIONS instead of saying YES to opportunity.

Once you begin to look at everything as an opportunity, things in your life can begin to change; if you are smart enough to say yes. An opportunity could be a friend inviting you to lunch or to go out, an acquaintance asking you to come to a conference, a free seminar, or an exercise class.

What happens is we hesitate; we start thinking. (#melrobbins) We start finding reasons why we shouldn’t or finding excuses to stay stuck. To stay SAFE.

Our brains are designed to keep us safe so if there is any kind of perceived risk, our brains respond to it. Our brains cannot decipher the risk, it can only respond to how we react. Our brains functioned exceptionally when we were non-verbal Neanderthal’s whose only existence was to procreate, hunt, gather and survive. The human brain’s “safe mode” allowed people to survive epidemics, wars, the holocaust, and countless other tragedies.

If you are fortunate to have your basic needs met (oxygen, water, food, shelter, adequate clothing, electricity, heat, running water, WIFI, a smart phone etc.) and you are physically safe; the brain prefers you stay that way. When you step out of your “comfort zone”, the brain reacts to protect you; this is what causes you to hesitate.

“Hoping a situation will get better is not a strategy.” John Maxwell

Stepping out of your comfort zone could mean waking up a half hour earlier to jump start your day, not hitting the snooze button, doing an exercise you have never done, eating foods you have never tried, being real, being honest, not pretending, not reacting to the guilt trip your kids are trying to manipulate you with, speaking up in a meeting, standing up for someone, taking action in a situation that feels wrong, helping someone, putting yourself out there, doing something you have never done, physically taking action on something you want to change.

In reference to Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, The Man in the Arena…(at bottom) All of the above are examples of “BEING in the arena.” (Debating with someone on social media about politics does not count-having social media balls is called sitting in the stands of the arena.:)

When you want something, you think about it, you speak about it, the universe responds. The universe has your back. It starts to work to bring you what you want.

If you keep talking about why you keep dating losers, how shitty your job is, how useless your significant other is or how broke you are; the universe will keep bringing you that as well.

An example could be when you are stuck in a rut, you believe your life is a mess, you have mountains of laundry, you look awful blah blah blah and a friend texts you to go to free class or meet for coffee or a drink. This is where you SAY YES.

You may long to be in a loving, fun and fulfilling relationship and you have expectations, opinions and false premises of what you think this is “supposed to feel like” and what this person is “supposed” to look like. Yes=bullseye.

The scenarios are endless with this one. The universe knows where you are at and is sending you individuals or situations to prepare you for what you do want. SAY YES.

Take Risks. Let go of Expectations. Don’t be a dumb ass. If you are, learn from it. Find the message in the mess.

No one is coming to save you!

God helps those who helps themselves.

#rodanandfields

Pizza Face & Crummy Commericals

January 7, 2019January 13, 2025 quillankellydunn

The summer I turned sixteen, I worked at a hot dog joint called “Willy’s Wayside Wagon”. It was a little trailer conveniently located next to a tavern. The steamed tamales, buns and dogs, with other side options like deep fried pizza puffs french fries with optional cheese sauce was a neighborhood favorite; especially the drunk guys from the bar next door. The steam would open my pores and I would receive a greasy facial every time I worked. Accompanied by the syrupy, fountain drinks available to me anytime I wanted had me strung out and dehydrated. Of course in combination with my raging hormones and my consuming this stuff every time I worked wreaked havoc on my skin.

1973 Noxema Ad that my mom probably saw and passed on this “knowledge” to me.

My mom told me to use Noxema, so I listened. I would splash the water on my face like they did in the commercial but only difference is my skin looked like shit and there was water everywhere. (I know now that my Mom was lucky and has good genes; she has never had a break out in her entire life. The Noxema had nothing to do with it. My Dad was a genetically pre-disposed pizza face as was my grandfather:)

This is the story of my becoming a “product whore”. There was no internet or googling back in the early 90’s. All I had was my parents, my friends, Seventeen magazine and commericals to find the answers. Clearasil, Oxy pads, Stridex and the Buff Puff were the products I started with. I would wash my face in the morning and at night. My face exploded even more so I bought products to now cover up my face (Clearasil -the tan colored ointment and cover girl by Noxzema of course). Most of the time I had that slightly orange oompa loompa look from wearing clearisil as my make up regimen.

I became depressed, insecure and pre-occupied with my skin. I purchased more products. Then I continued my career in the fast food industry working at Pop’s beef. I was free of the steamed-in-trailer however now I was doing dishes and exposed to delicious dairy shakes, gravy sandwiches with melted mozzarella cheese and all the pop I could drink which had me gaining weight like a champ. That is when the painful underground bumps, cystic acne on my face began. (Side note: This cystic acne continued due to my guzzling gallons of beer/liquid gluten in college and did not stop until I went gluten free in 2005. Another Saga: Good times)

One day I was walking down the hall in high school and one my friend’s mouth dropped open in horror and I knew what she saw. It confirmed what I already knew; I was a complete pizza face. After school I did something I never did; I came home and cried to my mom. I told her I needed to do something. I was a strung out product whore who wanted to bury her head in the sand and not go to the prom; or leave the house again. My mom did something she never did, she got on the phone immediately and called a skin doctor and made an appointment for me.

I walked to the doctor by myself and apparently this was acceptable with parents verbal consent and I was 16. This lanky, older, bony Lemony Snicket-look-alike doctor walked in wearing a coal mine headlight and magnifying glass and examined my skin with a look of disgust. He gave some harsh but sound advice.

“You are washing your face too much.”

Um what? “I thought I am supposed to wash my face?”

He sighed. “The more you wash your face, the more oil you are producing. Just wash it at night and that is it.” I was so confused and my mind racing with all the commercials I saw that could prove his outlandish claim otherwise.

“You are also touching your face too much. Keep your hands off your face.” Now, I was feeling blamed for my skin’s demise, I inquired further. He was visibly irritated now, writing me out prescriptions. “The more you touch your face, the dirt and bacteria gets on your skin and you spread the disease all over your face.” DISEASE? What the hell?

“Take these pills as ordered and do what I said and your skin will be better in three months. Come back to see me in a month and KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF!”

I began taking the pills, Erythromycin and Tetracycline twice a day. I kept my hands off my face, avoided the mirror and washed my face only at night. I went back to see the doctor as ordered after a month and he said “I see you listened. It is working.” I left the office beaming feeling like I had control over my life again…Until I began to grow a mustache and beard.

Apparently the tetracycline stimulates facial hair growth, testosterone and also wears down the enamel on your teeth. I was too terrified to stop using the pills so of course, so I settled on a new product; mustache bleach. I continued the pills and bleaching my mustache and beard until I was 19. Until one day I was walking down the street with two of my guy friends in the snow; who pointed out that the new-fallen flurries were sticking to my mustache. I laughed it off yet was secretly horrified. I purchased some waxing strips the next day.

Eventually my crotchety dermatologist retired and I had to see someone else. My new kinder, younger and less crotchety dermatologist told me new information that would’ve been useful 14 years ago. “Use cleansers, lotion and make up that specifically says non-comedogenic, if it doesn’t say that on the label, do not use it. Non-comedogenic means it does not clog pores.”

He told me to stop the antibiotics and put me on a topical treatment; Retin-A. My skin stopped breaking out but now I had peeling skin all over my face. Make-up exacerbated the peeling this and I did not want to leave the house. The doctor swtiched my ointment to Differin which finally worked and it even helped the past breakout blemishes. Only problem, the co-pay it was expensive as hell. It was like $75 after insurance!

I then discovered another epiphany, Noxema and Cover-Girl products did not say “Non-comedogenic”. I was betrayed by all those bullshit commercials I had been believing wholeheartedly for the answers I was searching for. It was my first realization I was a sucker and I fell into the advertising trap. I felt like Ralphie when he realizes that he drank gallons of Ovaltine for a secret decoder pin that reminds him to drink more ovaltine “a crummy commercial.” I’d Been HAD!

“Maybe she’s born with it, Maybe it’s Maybelline.” Low and behold, I discover Maybelline says “Non-comedogenic” right on the back of the package. I also found out the dollar tub of Vaseline is non-comedogenic; I was now so confused. After using Maybelline, Differin and non-comedogenic cleansers and lotions; my skin FINALLY improved. However, the scars were still there, emotionally and on my face.

Late twenties, I switched to Clinique make up and there 3-step skin regimen. This worked for awhile, but I still had break outs so eventually I tried Pro-Activ around age 32. Pro-Activ worked for me pretty well for years and becoming gluten free in 2005 and dairy free in 2007 as helped my skin immensely. Once I cleaned up my diet further with 21 day fix portion control containers and Shakeology everyday; pro-activ seemed to be too strong for my skin.

In 2015, a coworker told me about Rodan and Fields “Unblemish” regimen that I could try for 60 days and ship back for my money back if I did not like it. It was a bit more expensive than Pro-Activ so I was hesitant; but I took a chance. My skin has never been better, I barely break out at all now except from hormones or if I accidentally eat gluten.

I was amazed that I could alternate with some of Rodan and Fields regimens for anti-aging with exfoliating cleanser, vitamin C and retinol (Reverse Brightening) without breaking out. I have now tried ALL of their products and I am mind-blown. I believe I AM extremely qualified to become a Rodan and Fields consultant considering MY 25+ year SKIN BATTLE! WTF. Seriously. This knowledge took me 28 years to experience and acquire and I would like to save others from a 20+ year battle! It is like my ZIT Resume so please take this seriously.

I am compelled to tell others, especially my friends who have kids and TEENAGERS!

Educate them about facial skin care as early as age 7 (with hormones in our food and puberty starting so young now, the earlier you teach them the better)
Tell them to keep their hands/fingers/phones off their face
Norwex sells a facial baby washcloth that they can use only water and the cloth to wipe their face and along hair line (sweat). This cloth self cleans when hung up to dry and has a handy little hang up tag sewn into the cloth. (This is excellent for teens and even adults.
Have them wear non-comedogenic lotion, sunscreen and make up
Have them cool face down with ice, water or cool washcloth when overheated, red faced and sweaty. (Heat causes inflammation, leads to break outs)
When they have a pimple, wrap an ice cube in a washcloth or paper towel and apply the ice to the pimple on and off throughout the day (this will lower inflammation and the puss (infection). The pimple may break naturally or go down. Popping pimples equals scars, skin damage and re appearance.

7. See Dermatologist early before it gets out of control

#Beyourself, #greatpretender, #landmarkforum, #simonsinek, Badassery, vulnerability

The Great Pretender

November 13, 2018January 13, 2025 quillankellydunn

“We live in a world where we don’t say what we are thinking and feeling, we say what we think other people want to hear.” Kyle Cease

When I published my book last year, I was petrified what people would think. I assumed I would be judged and that is why it took me so long to just do it. I actually lost my entire book at one point because I did not back it up to a zip drive and the laptop crashed. I attempted to re-write it, eliminating parts that may make people uncomfortable; however the same story played in my head again the same way as I wrote it the second time.

To me, my book is JUST A STORY.

What feeling uncomfortable being vulnerable feels like. 👆🏻

It is a story I created in my head with some true and untrue things. I changed a lot of my story because…I can. My past cannot define who I am. I wrote from the heart, I wrote my from soul, and I wrote whatever popped in my head regardless if it made sense, really happened or who I thought of when I wrote it. If I wrote exactly what happened with an outline and bullet points; I may have lost connection to the reader.

Either way, it is a compliment.

I have never felt like I belonged anywhere because I’ve always said what I meant, felt or thought. Many times people were offended or viewed my words as a weakness, stupid or my honesty blunt or abrasive.

Therefore, I viewed myself as weak, weird and that I did not fit in. Oddly, once I completed my book, my past seemed to stop defining me. Perhaps because I faced it, embraced it and moved on; I realized that the past can be changed and it truly is just a story. I found it to be very therapeutic being real, raw and honest.

There is nothing more attractive to me than someone who speaks the truth about their emotions or thoughts. If you are a guy on a first date and feeling nervous AF, say “I am thinking so hard of something to good to say” or “I am nervous AF”. That is SEXY AF to me. If you play the “cool card” and behave aloof, distant and stand offish (dickish); then you may attract the same person who finds this attractive because they also are not being themselves.

Instead of talking about some lame weather comment in an elevator, say what you think or feel like, “elevator rides are always so awkward aren’t they?”

The definition of “Stand off” is a situation in which neither of two opposing groups or forces will make a move until the other one does something, so nothing can happen until one of them gives away; a stalemate

If people keep “pretending” to be themselves then there is a deadlock and intimacy can never happen. “Pretending” to be happy. “Pretending” to be fine. I attended a conference called THE LANDMARK FORUM this weekend and it was a mind-blowing experience. This Forum brings a new meaning to “BEING YO SELF”. Trust me, everyone should go!

It seems like I can now see ….clearly. Human interaction makes so much more sense. Of course a movie popped in my head that portrays exactly what happens. (This is an example from the movie Swingers.)

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two’s enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you…
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, maybe I’ll wait 3 weeks. How’s that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I’ll ask her where I met her. I don’t remember. What does she look like? And then I’ll asked if we fucked. Is that… would that be… T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who’s ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

In Swingers, the entire movie Mike is struggling with a break up and listening to his friends about how to act in the dating scene and “bag some beautiful babies”. He’s awkward, uncomfortable and does not fit in the whole movie. His two buddies say what they think everyone wants to hear and they are bagging chics non-stop (who are also pretending). Finally at the end, Mike meets a girl who is also going through a break up. They are both honest, real, awkward but their chemistry explodes. Mike whips out some ballroom swing dancing at the end leaving his “great pretender” buddies mind-blown and jaws dropped open.

In the moment, we are always feeling something so if you say what you are feeling, another person may respond like “I know what that feels like” and connect with you. When you feel one way, but pretend to be another way, this mixed signal will have others put their walls up and pretend too.

Say what you FEEL. Say what you MEAN. MEAN what YOU SAY. Be REAL. Be AUTHENTIC. Be YOU.

#millenials, #simonsinek, Women's Fight

Women are Kind of a Big Deal….

October 22, 2018December 18, 2021 quillankellydunn

It’s tough to believe that anyone genuinely cares anymore, like if the emails and texts we receive are from a real person or computer generated. It’s a challenge to have anyone talk to you face to face without looking at their phone constantly. It’s nearly impossible to tell a story without someone one upping you with some outlandish story they found in comparison on social media…

However…This is a real, 100% true experience I had that I feel compelled to share. I wrote this letter to the owner of a car dealership….

Dear Mr. Hawkinson, (Bob Hawkinson of Hawkinson Nissan & Kia In Matteson, Illinois)

“I did consider leaving your car dealership on Saturday October 21st, 2018 because my husband wanted me to go to Ed Napleton in Elmhurst and purchase a 2019 Kia Sorento through union plus. This would have saved us $2000 than your in stock model. My husband of 16 years did not want me to purchase from a dealer alone and is extremely skeptical of “salesmen”. What I heard is “You are a dumb woman who can’t handle a man’s world.”

“In dealing with your staff, the future convenience factor is what sold me because my time is more valuable than money.

I did end up purchasing a 2019 vehicle (Kia Sorento)with your dealership…

Why this is such a big deal….”

“This is my first time ever purchasing a new vehicle from a dealer. We have not purchased a car since 2005 with Carmax. The last car I bought ON MY OWN was with $500 cash and the muffler was burnt to a crisp.

Why this is important…”

“Earlier that afternoon, I went to the KIA dealer in Orland ready to buy a car and the sales staff turned me off. I was treated with courtesy… until I advised I had a budget. The staff who were older than myself, made me wait for a long time to even talk to someone after that. Despite my having an appointment and I also confirmed my attendance to four annoying, impersonal texts and emails to ensure I attended this appointment.”

It seemed like none of that mattered.

The two staff, Felicia and Jason, were nice, but it seemed like cliche sales behavior that did not feel genuine. I am a business professional; however I am a full time mom on the weekends and I was wearing a baseball hat, jeans and a sweatshirt. Maybe because I looked like I was nobody important is why I was treated this way.”

“I gave them my license, which took like thirty minutes for her to return with. They finally pulled up a car for me to drive after a bunch of problems (excuses).”

“It was unexpectedly snowing out and freezing for October. The sales rep goes back inside again while I’m standing there alone freezing and under-dressed. I decided to get in the car and test drive the car around lot for two minutes. When I came back, the sales staff made a comment like I was going to steal the car”. (Please…Bye Felicia)

“Then she smugly suggested that I navigate outside ALONE in the huge lot in the snowing, cold, blustery weather to look for a car. This was bizarre, disrespectful, tacky and unprofessional. I felt like the two available sales staff did not want to deal with me because I was not financially worth their time.”

“I left this dealership emotional, discouraged and frustrated. I wanted to go home but I had to get this car situation done. My rental from my insurance lease time was up in 2 days. My last car was totaled in an accident down the block from house. (Someone was texting and driving and did not look up in time to see I was stopped & my turning signal was on to turn left down my block.)”

“I decided to try your dealership in Matteson. I called and Tricia texted me the address and she made me laugh, feel welcome and important.”

“That makes such a difference.

Tricia then looked up the model I wanted and let me know what you had in stock. Tricia then followed up with me via text to make sure I found your place and asked who my sales rep is. She said I’m in good hands with Chyma Radcliff and this team effort impressed me. This woman was the gatekeeper of this experience…”

“Your dealership seemed much busier than the Orland one, however your sales rep Chyma Radcliff took care of me immediately. Chyma’s professional attire and demeanor made a difference; but it was his genuine and stellar personality that sold me.”

“I told Chyma the same thing about my car budget as I did with Orland dealership. Chyma went and pulled two cars up immediately and had me wait inside until everything was arranged. Male or Female, this is a courtesy that is noticed! Chyma held onto my license but went with me for the drive immediately. HUGE DIFFERENCE! Excellent sales tactic.”

“Chyma thoroughly explained everything about both cars while I was driving. Chyma spent four hours with me on and off despite other customers coming in and he even managed my anxiety in dealing with my husband and made me laugh!”

“He didn’t push me or pressure me. He just listened, talked about other things with me and validated this decision. I FELT respected and like “I was a big deal”. Chyma truly seemed genuinely interested in my history and my gut told me to trust him. I find out he’s 24 and had only been working there for 10 months. I thought,”How does this guy/kid/millennial know how to treat women?”

Perhaps this was all bullshit and I’m a sucker…

“However, as a 44 year old woman from the Southside of Chicago who was fed bullshit for breakfast, lunch and dinner by men most of my life; I decided to believe my gut instinct that I wasn’t being tricked and he was being real.”

“Then I told Chyma he could go do other work and didn’t have to sit with me the entire time while they ran my credit etc.”

Chyma replied, “That would not be professional, this is a big deal for you.”

I almost started to cry because strangers don’t treat each other like that anymore. SOLD!

“Then I met with Chris Vanek, another millennial, age 24 (who was also excellent, professional, funny and knowledgeable) to go over all the paperwork, warranty and license plates information with me. You have no idea what a relief it was to hear all these benefits with all the car problems I have had and the inconveniences of getting cars fixed etc. I ended up purchasing this car alone without a co-signer. Therefore, my husband could not intervene. 😂”

“This “kid” ensured that I would be taken care of like I deserve to be and they would provide me a rental even if I needed an oil change or car repair. Hmmmm, another millennial that treats women as if we are a big deal. Or perhaps he just treats everyone that way…”

“When I finished with Chris, I could not believe that Chyma was still waiting for me on a Saturday night at 7:15pm with my new car on display despite your dealership had closed an hour+ before.”

“They also returned the rental for me with zero hassle! Your staff “made it happen.”

“I was so blown away with how I was treated at HAWKINSON NISSAN KIA in Matteson, Illinois. I’m sure I did not look very important but everyone treated me so exceptional and like a human being regardless of my appearance!”

“It is not easy to attempt to be an independent woman and make decisions for my family and about cars that I know nothing about. Your staff overall, very empowering toward women! Therefore, I would recommend your dealership, especially to a woman, to purchase a vehicle.”

Thank you for such an amazing experience.”

It did not take a lot of time to make the owner of this dealership aware of this exceptional experience. I wrote this letter and emailed it to him. That’s it.

We put so much effort into complaining when things go wrong but not much effort is put forth when things go good or beyond our expectations. If we all took the time to acknowledge and appreciate when people do a good job and treat others as human beings instead of spending that time complaining…this country would be a better place.

It seems everyone wants to blame the millennial’s, however I just met two who know what’s up and how to treat women. Or perhaps they treat everyone this way because of how they grew up.

Bottom line: Trust your gut, believe what you think you should do for yourself, even if your spouse disagrees and that there are truly good people in this world.

ADDENDUM:

My spouse got over it….eventually.

He had to buy a new car soon after, which he did while I was away for weekend. I pointed out that “you just did the same thing I did.” He justified that he “did it with the mindset” that “it was for his side job”. Yea, being a parent 97% of the time while he pursues this side job is a side job as well. 🖕🏻

😜He did not say a word after that. 😜