Author: quillankellydunn

I have always enjoyed writing and laughing, even as a kid. I love dialogue in movies and the power of words. I discovered my ability for writing in high school and did not consider it a "talent" until a few of my friends in my class brought it to my attention during essay tests. They would witness me writing away on a test and slap me and say "What are you writing? How do you know how to answer this? How do you have so much written so far?" I would laugh and shrug my shoulders. I was a terrible student yet writing was one of those things "I could just do somehow". In grad school I wrote a project for my group dynamics class and it was like writing a screenplay; hours went by like minutes. I was obsessed with working on it and became completely in the flow, lost in the story. My mom read it and was laughing hysterically, which made me beam with pride. After this project, writing became my passion. I have found writing as a therapeutic outlet for me as well since I am a mom, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and a yoga instructor. I finally finished my first novel, a fictional coming of age story, which is loosely based on my family and our funny and not so funny experiences. My novel is about growing up on the south side of Chicago and the mentality that comes along with it; or maybe it's just me. I struggled for years with the fear of "putting myself out there" and worrying what people think until I realized that unless you put yourself out there, you will remain invisible in this world. A South Side Story is now available on paperback and kindle through Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Quillan Kelly-Dunn is my pen name. A South Side Story https://www.amazon.com/dp/1548863572/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_LKoBAbNE0ZJND

#freedom, Health & Wellness, migraine relief

When your head feels like it’s going to explode…

March 12, 2019April 20, 2021 quillankellydunn

Headaches and migraines SUCK! Here are some solutions I’ve researched and tried over the last 30 years🙈.

My son had migraine cycling vomiting syndrome since age 4 where he would get a migraine and throw up for about 3-4 days every July and February. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I only noticed pattern because it was around 4th of July and Superbowl. Pediatrician recommended neurologist. We Did a food elimination diet and allergy testing with him. He is allergic to egg whites and seasonal stuff. He is not allergic to dairy per the test, however dairy and nitrates triggered migraines.

He has been seeing this neurologist since age 6 and has been prescribed cyproheptadine. He is 15 now and pretty much migraine free- he still takes the medicine but his dosage has stated same. Neurologist name: Priti Singh, MD 1 (630) 230-3372.

Why do a food elimination diet: Our body adapts to whatever we are eating everyday because it has to. Taking a break for 30 days removes this adaptation from your system so when you re-introduce the food, your body reacts. This helps you identify the trigger and then you can avoid the symptoms in the future by not consuming this food. Example: I used to eat ice cream and cheese like it was going out of style. I craved it. I never had any “immediate” symptoms.

Then I tried eliminating it for 30 days (I went into a cheese withdrawal depression for real). I was not expecting any changes (also hoping). I was shocked!

I noticed my joints were more flexible and I didn’t even realize I was walking like Frankenstein when I woke up in the morning until I stopped dairy. After about 10 days dairy free, I felt limber/not as achey/stiff. Now dairy triggers a migraine for me within hour or two. Dairy also triggers asthmatic episodes, congestion, sinus headaches and more frequent sinus infections, clogged ears.

Life is hard without cheese but it’s not even worth it to eat it with how bad I felt. Now dairy free ice cream and cheese exist- getting better! Some gluten free stuff is better than the regular!

Headache/Migraine preventative tips:

1. Sounds so simple but Make sure you stay hydrated. Right when you wake up drink at least 12oz water, warm or room temp best, but cold fine too. Drink 8-12 oz every hour. Set reminder on your phone. Coffee and other caffeine products dehydrate you so you have to drink more water. For Every 8oz coffee=12 oz water.

2. Keep a food journal and log migraines or headaches. You may notice a pattern with a food that could be triggering migraines: nitrates, sulfites, MSG, chocolate, aged cheeses

3. Complete a food elimination diet-Go Dairy free for 30 days and note daily how you feel. When you reintroduce dairy you may notice symptoms you did not know you had.

4. Food elimination diet- Gluten: After you complete dairy elimination /Go gluten free for 30 days and note symptoms. (Same as above). Then try eliminating other foods like eggs, chocolate, soy, aged meats and cheeses which have sulfates and nitrates. etc.

5. Use a Neti-pot with saline packets after the shower every day to remove pollen and particles that fester in your nasal cavity. Migraines begin in the sinuses usually.

Also if you have allergies-taking Sudafed or an antihistamine like Benadryl at night helps and also nasal sprays like Flo-base. Naturally based nasal spray – spray saline or zicam. https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/productlist/zicam-adult-cold-remedies/N=361457-2772

6. Use a crossbody purse- heavy bags on shoulders affect neck and shoulders- and trigger tension.

7. If you over 21 😉 – alcohol also dehydrates you. Wine has sulfites that trigger migraines. Beer has histamines – google those.

8. Yoga/Pilates-Stretches your back and neck to prevent tension, encourages breathing. You may not even notice that you hold your breath. People who have anxiety hold their breath, not enough oxygen=migraine trigger.

9. Again Stay hydrated- Dehydration biggest trigger for migraines/headaches. If you are thirsty, you are already dehydrated. A low calorie super hydration is Nuun tablets They are sold at target, dick’s, amazon. I drink one tablet with a 24-36 ounces of water right when I wake up.

10. Eliminate: Fake sugar aspartame from your life found in diet colas etc. COLAS are the biggest trigger for muscle tension.

11. Avoid perfumes and heavy fragrances -big trigger for migraine. (Unfortunately Bath & Body works for me= 🤮 😵)

12. Meditate: 10-20 minutes daily- use noise canceling headphones and listen to guided meditation podcasts, white noise machine and just breathe etc to help

13. Supplement with magnesium rich and omega foods:Some of the best food sources of magnesium are:organic leafy greens- spinach/chard•Figs•avocados•bananas•dark chocolate•nuts and seeds•mackerel, tuna, and Pollock fish •low-fat yogurt or kefir•black beans and lentils

14. Supplements like: CoQ10 150 mg-300 mg daily, Iron (especially during period) and Vitamin B12 regularly could help prevent.

15. This sounds coo coo- I know but Pay attention to barometric pressure- sudden drops or rises in barometric pressure (like sudden temperature changes, when it’s about to rain, etc) is a big trigger for migraines….***the weather app Displays the pressure daily.

Weather changes: This is something out of your control so this is when you should just take Advil or your prescription (sumatriptan generic for Imitrex is usually covered by insurance) before you have a headache/migraine. Getting ahead of the pain prevents a massive blow up that takes hours to go away.

16. Hormonal changes is a huge trigger for migraines so take Advil, magnesium, Vitamin D, B-stress complex when you are PMSING. Drink 100oz of water daily.

17. Get rid of your cleaning supplies such as bleach – or strong scented products and use More naturally derived cleaning products like Meyer. Norwex cloths which use silver technology and water to kill 99.9 % of germs. Melalueca has a disinfectant called solu-guard that kills 99.9% of bacteria without the harmful fumes and respiratory distress.

18. Get tested by an allergist so you are aware what you are allergic to, then if you know what season, you will be proactive by taking antihistamine. Example: Ragweed in the fall is brutal – so I take Benadryl or Lortadine (Claritin) every night during fall.

19. Wash sheets in hot water every two weeks to kill dust mites and remove pollen and other allergens (sometimes fragrance in fabric softener or detergents cause migraines). Unfortunately keep windows closed during the allergy season

20. Swimming sometimes helps-the cold water, getting heart and respiratory rate up is sometimes what you need even if you do not feel like it.

If none of above work:

21. See an Acupuncturist monthly- acupuncturists use trigger points that can remove migraine/headache immediately, release stress, pressure and get the “Qi” (chi) flowing again.

22. Chiropractor consult -some insurances even cover massages while performed in a chiropractor office. TMJ from teeth grinding also a big trigger for migraines. This dental guard helps you stop grinding your back teeth and clenching jaw:Dental Guard SMARTGUARD ELITE (2… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XXRSFKC?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

When you already have a migraine:

When you already have a headache/migraine:

1. When you feel the tension starting to build or sudden onset or migraine aura, example: see floaters etc. Take Advil, Aleve or the prescription sumatriptan immediately 👇🏻 The earlier you take it, the faster it will go away.

2.Source Naturals Ultra-Mag High-Efficiency Magnesium Complex – Maintains Muscle & Nerve Function – 120 Tablets https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00020I91A/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_MMZ4WTK54EM1XAW7E60M?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Garden of Life Dr. Formulated… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079D3X1Z3?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

3. Lay down in dark room- see pressure points link below: https://pin.it/mtrk652cm4mitz

4. Diffuse peppermint oil and also mix 2 drops peppermint oil•2 drops lavender oil •2 drops frankincense in your facial lotion or tbsp of refined (I scented)coconut oil and put over temples, behind ears, earlobes, forehead, neck, park of neck where meets skull, cheeks next to nose and along nose

5. Put two tennis balls in a sock and lay on them at areas of trigger points, mainly behind neck where neck meets skull

6. Alternate Ice pack wrapped in towel over eyebrows, top of head and neck – hold it there as long as tolerated

7. 20 minute Hot bath with epsom salt, couple drops lavender, eucalyptus, camphor and peppermint oil. Let hot water run on your head. Also you can sit on side of tub with hands and feet in the hot water with ice pack on neck or frozen peas. Or take steamy shower or bath with: JOHNSON’S Soothing Vapor Bath 15 oz (Pack of 3) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IAI90G8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_hu8HCbT85F

8. Immediately after hot bath- do netipot with ice cold water – might be painful but it clears and constructs sinus cavities which triggers migraines

9. Drink Pedialyte – small amounts every 15 minutes-especially if you are vomiting.

10. Coffee & black tea also good for migraines because caffeine constricts blood vessels but caffeine withdrawal also triggers migraines so make sure you drink 12 ounces of extra water for every cup of coffee/tea consumed.

11. Make rollerball vial with 2 drops peppermint oil•2 drops of eucalyptus oil •2 drops frankincense and mix carrier oil such as coconut oil, grape seed oil etc. Roll on temples, eyebrows, behind ears, neck,

12. Make frozen washcloths: Mix one cup of water & 1/4 cup alcohol: 2 drops peppermint oil•2 drops of eucalyptus oil •2 drops frankincense and mix

13. If you don’t like essentials oils: You can use Biofreeze on neck, behind ears etc. The roller is awesome.

14. When all else fails: ICE CREAM or sorbet-You can usually keep it down and the cold helps with migraine. Coffee ice cream and they have tons of dairy free ice cream now!

15. Sounds weird but chicken soup or MISO soup (at Japanese restaurants) helps, the heat/steam helps clear sinuses and the live cultures do something

16. I know coke or cherry coke can remove rust off cars so imagine what it does to your insides. HOWEVER, sometimes it’s the only cure so if you have to get a fountain one from McDonald’s 😂 just drink enough water after to compensate for caffeine

Resources:

Follow this Pinterest board:

https://pin.it/3YwBCdO

Heal Your Headache https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761125663?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Biofreeze Pain Relief Gel, 4 oz…. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007ECFNQS?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Dental Guard SMARTGUARD ELITE (2… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XXRSFKC?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

#freedom, Women's Fight

PYRAMID BITCHES

March 8, 2019March 8, 2019 quillankellydunn

The self-doubt is always there, but my WHY keeps me from listening most of the time.

However, yesterday was one of those days where I was “in my head” and unable to ignore that innate critic that lives in my brain.

The inner voice was louder than usual,

“You should quit”

“No one cares”

“Who are you to think you can make a difference”

“I can’t do it all”

“I can’t work, take care of myself and be a good mom.”

“I should give up”

“That’s a stupid idea.”

“That’s not going to work”

“you will never afford that”

“Maybe I am doing too much”

“You aren’t good enough yet”

“Maybe I should wait until I’m better”.

Which all equals, I SUCK.

I caught myself all slumped over at my desk working, dejected with a pathetic self-pitying expression on my face.

I moped to my mailbox expecting more “stuff I gotta take care of” (wah wah). Perhaps another red light violation ticket from Crestwood Police Department for turning right on a red light. Instead, I received a letter from a friend from high school, (how exciting right!? Real mail not just bills!) who was one of my Beachbody customers, previous challenge group winners and my first Rodan and Fields customer. These two journals (pictured) were inside.

When I thanked her, this badass replied that when she saw them, she thought of ME! Then she actually took action on her thought and actually followed through and mailed them to me! (How many times do we think of doing something and then hesitate or don’t take the time to do it?)

I was shocked she thought of ME? I’m nobody, I’m just another girl from the Southside of Chicago.

In reality, ME = YOU and we are all equal. We are all doing the best that we can with what we know and what we have. WE are like every other woman in this world. We possess something incredible to offer to the world, each other and our families. When we all support each other=everybody wins.

To me, this tiny, unexpected gift is a value of an entire years income in terms of fulfillment. Incredible moments and words like this make this roller coaster all worth it.

This was a priceless reminder that:

Success is not about your circumstances, it’s about who you’re being. Jen Sincero -author of You are a Bad Ass

It is a reminder about who I am being and what I stand for. I stand for empowering women to empower themselves, recognize their worth, their power, find their strength, and I live that congruently everyday. I stand for men who respect women, our power, and our strength. I stand for men who can embrace what we bring to the table which may not always mean an equal paycheck.

I stand for women to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about themselves without waiting for someone to compliment them for it to mean anything. I stand for women to take action on what they want for themselves without guilt or asking permission. I stand for women taking the initiative to do something for themselves without waiting or being dependent on anyone else. I stand for inner power, confidence and teams/groups to empower support and success.

I stand for dedication, consistency, hard work, and commitment which equals results. What do you stand for?

Post below

#Beyourself, #freedom, #landmarkforum, #opportunity, #rodanandfields, #sidehustle, Uncategorized, vulnerability, Women's Fight

Saying YES

January 31, 2019January 13, 2025 quillankellydunn

Remember that story about the guy trapped in a flood on his rooftop and he begs God to save him? First a man in a rowboat shows up and shouts “Jump in, I can save you!” The says “No, its okay, I am waiting for God to save me.”

Then a guy in a motorboat (that motorboatin sonofabitch) shows up and says “Jump in, I can save you…”

The guy declines again and says “NO, its okay, I am waiting for God to save me.”

Lastly, a guy in a helicopter shows up. The guy on the rooftop remained stuck in his faith, beliefs and expectations; gracefully refuses. He answers “I am waiting for God to save me”.

Alas, the guy drowns. When he arrives in heaven, he angrily exclaims to God, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, YOU let me drown! I don’t understand WHY!

God replied. “I sent you a rowboat, a motorboat (built for speed and comfort), and a helicopter. What more did you expect? God shakes his head and walks away whispering “dumbass” under his breath…

What did the guy expect? God himself to show up? He’s a busy guy. He sent his peeps to do his work. This guy clung on to his EXPECTATIONS instead of saying YES to opportunity.

Once you begin to look at everything as an opportunity, things in your life can begin to change; if you are smart enough to say yes. An opportunity could be a friend inviting you to lunch or to go out, an acquaintance asking you to come to a conference, a free seminar, or an exercise class.

What happens is we hesitate; we start thinking. (#melrobbins) We start finding reasons why we shouldn’t or finding excuses to stay stuck. To stay SAFE.

Our brains are designed to keep us safe so if there is any kind of perceived risk, our brains respond to it. Our brains cannot decipher the risk, it can only respond to how we react. Our brains functioned exceptionally when we were non-verbal Neanderthal’s whose only existence was to procreate, hunt, gather and survive. The human brain’s “safe mode” allowed people to survive epidemics, wars, the holocaust, and countless other tragedies.

If you are fortunate to have your basic needs met (oxygen, water, food, shelter, adequate clothing, electricity, heat, running water, WIFI, a smart phone etc.) and you are physically safe; the brain prefers you stay that way. When you step out of your “comfort zone”, the brain reacts to protect you; this is what causes you to hesitate.

“Hoping a situation will get better is not a strategy.” John Maxwell

Stepping out of your comfort zone could mean waking up a half hour earlier to jump start your day, not hitting the snooze button, doing an exercise you have never done, eating foods you have never tried, being real, being honest, not pretending, not reacting to the guilt trip your kids are trying to manipulate you with, speaking up in a meeting, standing up for someone, taking action in a situation that feels wrong, helping someone, putting yourself out there, doing something you have never done, physically taking action on something you want to change.

In reference to Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, The Man in the Arena…(at bottom) All of the above are examples of “BEING in the arena.” (Debating with someone on social media about politics does not count-having social media balls is called sitting in the stands of the arena.:)

When you want something, you think about it, you speak about it, the universe responds. The universe has your back. It starts to work to bring you what you want.

If you keep talking about why you keep dating losers, how shitty your job is, how useless your significant other is or how broke you are; the universe will keep bringing you that as well.

An example could be when you are stuck in a rut, you believe your life is a mess, you have mountains of laundry, you look awful blah blah blah and a friend texts you to go to free class or meet for coffee or a drink. This is where you SAY YES.

You may long to be in a loving, fun and fulfilling relationship and you have expectations, opinions and false premises of what you think this is “supposed to feel like” and what this person is “supposed” to look like. Yes=bullseye.

The scenarios are endless with this one. The universe knows where you are at and is sending you individuals or situations to prepare you for what you do want. SAY YES.

Take Risks. Let go of Expectations. Don’t be a dumb ass. If you are, learn from it. Find the message in the mess.

No one is coming to save you!

God helps those who helps themselves.

#rodanandfields

Pizza Face & Crummy Commericals

January 7, 2019January 13, 2025 quillankellydunn

The summer I turned sixteen, I worked at a hot dog joint called “Willy’s Wayside Wagon”. It was a little trailer conveniently located next to a tavern. The steamed tamales, buns and dogs, with other side options like deep fried pizza puffs french fries with optional cheese sauce was a neighborhood favorite; especially the drunk guys from the bar next door. The steam would open my pores and I would receive a greasy facial every time I worked. Accompanied by the syrupy, fountain drinks available to me anytime I wanted had me strung out and dehydrated. Of course in combination with my raging hormones and my consuming this stuff every time I worked wreaked havoc on my skin.

1973 Noxema Ad that my mom probably saw and passed on this “knowledge” to me.

My mom told me to use Noxema, so I listened. I would splash the water on my face like they did in the commercial but only difference is my skin looked like shit and there was water everywhere. (I know now that my Mom was lucky and has good genes; she has never had a break out in her entire life. The Noxema had nothing to do with it. My Dad was a genetically pre-disposed pizza face as was my grandfather:)

This is the story of my becoming a “product whore”. There was no internet or googling back in the early 90’s. All I had was my parents, my friends, Seventeen magazine and commericals to find the answers. Clearasil, Oxy pads, Stridex and the Buff Puff were the products I started with. I would wash my face in the morning and at night. My face exploded even more so I bought products to now cover up my face (Clearasil -the tan colored ointment and cover girl by Noxzema of course). Most of the time I had that slightly orange oompa loompa look from wearing clearisil as my make up regimen.

I became depressed, insecure and pre-occupied with my skin. I purchased more products. Then I continued my career in the fast food industry working at Pop’s beef. I was free of the steamed-in-trailer however now I was doing dishes and exposed to delicious dairy shakes, gravy sandwiches with melted mozzarella cheese and all the pop I could drink which had me gaining weight like a champ. That is when the painful underground bumps, cystic acne on my face began. (Side note: This cystic acne continued due to my guzzling gallons of beer/liquid gluten in college and did not stop until I went gluten free in 2005. Another Saga: Good times)

One day I was walking down the hall in high school and one my friend’s mouth dropped open in horror and I knew what she saw. It confirmed what I already knew; I was a complete pizza face. After school I did something I never did; I came home and cried to my mom. I told her I needed to do something. I was a strung out product whore who wanted to bury her head in the sand and not go to the prom; or leave the house again. My mom did something she never did, she got on the phone immediately and called a skin doctor and made an appointment for me.

I walked to the doctor by myself and apparently this was acceptable with parents verbal consent and I was 16. This lanky, older, bony Lemony Snicket-look-alike doctor walked in wearing a coal mine headlight and magnifying glass and examined my skin with a look of disgust. He gave some harsh but sound advice.

“You are washing your face too much.”

Um what? “I thought I am supposed to wash my face?”

He sighed. “The more you wash your face, the more oil you are producing. Just wash it at night and that is it.” I was so confused and my mind racing with all the commercials I saw that could prove his outlandish claim otherwise.

“You are also touching your face too much. Keep your hands off your face.” Now, I was feeling blamed for my skin’s demise, I inquired further. He was visibly irritated now, writing me out prescriptions. “The more you touch your face, the dirt and bacteria gets on your skin and you spread the disease all over your face.” DISEASE? What the hell?

“Take these pills as ordered and do what I said and your skin will be better in three months. Come back to see me in a month and KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF!”

I began taking the pills, Erythromycin and Tetracycline twice a day. I kept my hands off my face, avoided the mirror and washed my face only at night. I went back to see the doctor as ordered after a month and he said “I see you listened. It is working.” I left the office beaming feeling like I had control over my life again…Until I began to grow a mustache and beard.

Apparently the tetracycline stimulates facial hair growth, testosterone and also wears down the enamel on your teeth. I was too terrified to stop using the pills so of course, so I settled on a new product; mustache bleach. I continued the pills and bleaching my mustache and beard until I was 19. Until one day I was walking down the street with two of my guy friends in the snow; who pointed out that the new-fallen flurries were sticking to my mustache. I laughed it off yet was secretly horrified. I purchased some waxing strips the next day.

Eventually my crotchety dermatologist retired and I had to see someone else. My new kinder, younger and less crotchety dermatologist told me new information that would’ve been useful 14 years ago. “Use cleansers, lotion and make up that specifically says non-comedogenic, if it doesn’t say that on the label, do not use it. Non-comedogenic means it does not clog pores.”

He told me to stop the antibiotics and put me on a topical treatment; Retin-A. My skin stopped breaking out but now I had peeling skin all over my face. Make-up exacerbated the peeling this and I did not want to leave the house. The doctor swtiched my ointment to Differin which finally worked and it even helped the past breakout blemishes. Only problem, the co-pay it was expensive as hell. It was like $75 after insurance!

I then discovered another epiphany, Noxema and Cover-Girl products did not say “Non-comedogenic”. I was betrayed by all those bullshit commercials I had been believing wholeheartedly for the answers I was searching for. It was my first realization I was a sucker and I fell into the advertising trap. I felt like Ralphie when he realizes that he drank gallons of Ovaltine for a secret decoder pin that reminds him to drink more ovaltine “a crummy commercial.” I’d Been HAD!

“Maybe she’s born with it, Maybe it’s Maybelline.” Low and behold, I discover Maybelline says “Non-comedogenic” right on the back of the package. I also found out the dollar tub of Vaseline is non-comedogenic; I was now so confused. After using Maybelline, Differin and non-comedogenic cleansers and lotions; my skin FINALLY improved. However, the scars were still there, emotionally and on my face.

Late twenties, I switched to Clinique make up and there 3-step skin regimen. This worked for awhile, but I still had break outs so eventually I tried Pro-Activ around age 32. Pro-Activ worked for me pretty well for years and becoming gluten free in 2005 and dairy free in 2007 as helped my skin immensely. Once I cleaned up my diet further with 21 day fix portion control containers and Shakeology everyday; pro-activ seemed to be too strong for my skin.

In 2015, a coworker told me about Rodan and Fields “Unblemish” regimen that I could try for 60 days and ship back for my money back if I did not like it. It was a bit more expensive than Pro-Activ so I was hesitant; but I took a chance. My skin has never been better, I barely break out at all now except from hormones or if I accidentally eat gluten.

I was amazed that I could alternate with some of Rodan and Fields regimens for anti-aging with exfoliating cleanser, vitamin C and retinol (Reverse Brightening) without breaking out. I have now tried ALL of their products and I am mind-blown. I believe I AM extremely qualified to become a Rodan and Fields consultant considering MY 25+ year SKIN BATTLE! WTF. Seriously. This knowledge took me 28 years to experience and acquire and I would like to save others from a 20+ year battle! It is like my ZIT Resume so please take this seriously.

I am compelled to tell others, especially my friends who have kids and TEENAGERS!

Educate them about facial skin care as early as age 7 (with hormones in our food and puberty starting so young now, the earlier you teach them the better)
Tell them to keep their hands/fingers/phones off their face
Norwex sells a facial baby washcloth that they can use only water and the cloth to wipe their face and along hair line (sweat). This cloth self cleans when hung up to dry and has a handy little hang up tag sewn into the cloth. (This is excellent for teens and even adults.
Have them wear non-comedogenic lotion, sunscreen and make up
Have them cool face down with ice, water or cool washcloth when overheated, red faced and sweaty. (Heat causes inflammation, leads to break outs)
When they have a pimple, wrap an ice cube in a washcloth or paper towel and apply the ice to the pimple on and off throughout the day (this will lower inflammation and the puss (infection). The pimple may break naturally or go down. Popping pimples equals scars, skin damage and re appearance.

7. See Dermatologist early before it gets out of control

#Beyourself, #greatpretender, #landmarkforum, #simonsinek, Badassery, vulnerability

The Great Pretender

November 13, 2018January 13, 2025 quillankellydunn

“We live in a world where we don’t say what we are thinking and feeling, we say what we think other people want to hear.” Kyle Cease

When I published my book last year, I was petrified what people would think. I assumed I would be judged and that is why it took me so long to just do it. I actually lost my entire book at one point because I did not back it up to a zip drive and the laptop crashed. I attempted to re-write it, eliminating parts that may make people uncomfortable; however the same story played in my head again the same way as I wrote it the second time.

To me, my book is JUST A STORY.

What feeling uncomfortable being vulnerable feels like. 👆🏻

It is a story I created in my head with some true and untrue things. I changed a lot of my story because…I can. My past cannot define who I am. I wrote from the heart, I wrote my from soul, and I wrote whatever popped in my head regardless if it made sense, really happened or who I thought of when I wrote it. If I wrote exactly what happened with an outline and bullet points; I may have lost connection to the reader.

Either way, it is a compliment.

I have never felt like I belonged anywhere because I’ve always said what I meant, felt or thought. Many times people were offended or viewed my words as a weakness, stupid or my honesty blunt or abrasive.

Therefore, I viewed myself as weak, weird and that I did not fit in. Oddly, once I completed my book, my past seemed to stop defining me. Perhaps because I faced it, embraced it and moved on; I realized that the past can be changed and it truly is just a story. I found it to be very therapeutic being real, raw and honest.

There is nothing more attractive to me than someone who speaks the truth about their emotions or thoughts. If you are a guy on a first date and feeling nervous AF, say “I am thinking so hard of something to good to say” or “I am nervous AF”. That is SEXY AF to me. If you play the “cool card” and behave aloof, distant and stand offish (dickish); then you may attract the same person who finds this attractive because they also are not being themselves.

Instead of talking about some lame weather comment in an elevator, say what you think or feel like, “elevator rides are always so awkward aren’t they?”

The definition of “Stand off” is a situation in which neither of two opposing groups or forces will make a move until the other one does something, so nothing can happen until one of them gives away; a stalemate

If people keep “pretending” to be themselves then there is a deadlock and intimacy can never happen. “Pretending” to be happy. “Pretending” to be fine. I attended a conference called THE LANDMARK FORUM this weekend and it was a mind-blowing experience. This Forum brings a new meaning to “BEING YO SELF”. Trust me, everyone should go!

It seems like I can now see ….clearly. Human interaction makes so much more sense. Of course a movie popped in my head that portrays exactly what happens. (This is an example from the movie Swingers.)

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two’s enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you…
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, maybe I’ll wait 3 weeks. How’s that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I’ll ask her where I met her. I don’t remember. What does she look like? And then I’ll asked if we fucked. Is that… would that be… T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who’s ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

In Swingers, the entire movie Mike is struggling with a break up and listening to his friends about how to act in the dating scene and “bag some beautiful babies”. He’s awkward, uncomfortable and does not fit in the whole movie. His two buddies say what they think everyone wants to hear and they are bagging chics non-stop (who are also pretending). Finally at the end, Mike meets a girl who is also going through a break up. They are both honest, real, awkward but their chemistry explodes. Mike whips out some ballroom swing dancing at the end leaving his “great pretender” buddies mind-blown and jaws dropped open.

In the moment, we are always feeling something so if you say what you are feeling, another person may respond like “I know what that feels like” and connect with you. When you feel one way, but pretend to be another way, this mixed signal will have others put their walls up and pretend too.

Say what you FEEL. Say what you MEAN. MEAN what YOU SAY. Be REAL. Be AUTHENTIC. Be YOU.

#millenials, #simonsinek, Women's Fight

Women are Kind of a Big Deal….

October 22, 2018December 18, 2021 quillankellydunn

It’s tough to believe that anyone genuinely cares anymore, like if the emails and texts we receive are from a real person or computer generated. It’s a challenge to have anyone talk to you face to face without looking at their phone constantly. It’s nearly impossible to tell a story without someone one upping you with some outlandish story they found in comparison on social media…

However…This is a real, 100% true experience I had that I feel compelled to share. I wrote this letter to the owner of a car dealership….

Dear Mr. Hawkinson, (Bob Hawkinson of Hawkinson Nissan & Kia In Matteson, Illinois)

“I did consider leaving your car dealership on Saturday October 21st, 2018 because my husband wanted me to go to Ed Napleton in Elmhurst and purchase a 2019 Kia Sorento through union plus. This would have saved us $2000 than your in stock model. My husband of 16 years did not want me to purchase from a dealer alone and is extremely skeptical of “salesmen”. What I heard is “You are a dumb woman who can’t handle a man’s world.”

“In dealing with your staff, the future convenience factor is what sold me because my time is more valuable than money.

I did end up purchasing a 2019 vehicle (Kia Sorento)with your dealership…

Why this is such a big deal….”

“This is my first time ever purchasing a new vehicle from a dealer. We have not purchased a car since 2005 with Carmax. The last car I bought ON MY OWN was with $500 cash and the muffler was burnt to a crisp.

Why this is important…”

“Earlier that afternoon, I went to the KIA dealer in Orland ready to buy a car and the sales staff turned me off. I was treated with courtesy… until I advised I had a budget. The staff who were older than myself, made me wait for a long time to even talk to someone after that. Despite my having an appointment and I also confirmed my attendance to four annoying, impersonal texts and emails to ensure I attended this appointment.”

It seemed like none of that mattered.

The two staff, Felicia and Jason, were nice, but it seemed like cliche sales behavior that did not feel genuine. I am a business professional; however I am a full time mom on the weekends and I was wearing a baseball hat, jeans and a sweatshirt. Maybe because I looked like I was nobody important is why I was treated this way.”

“I gave them my license, which took like thirty minutes for her to return with. They finally pulled up a car for me to drive after a bunch of problems (excuses).”

“It was unexpectedly snowing out and freezing for October. The sales rep goes back inside again while I’m standing there alone freezing and under-dressed. I decided to get in the car and test drive the car around lot for two minutes. When I came back, the sales staff made a comment like I was going to steal the car”. (Please…Bye Felicia)

“Then she smugly suggested that I navigate outside ALONE in the huge lot in the snowing, cold, blustery weather to look for a car. This was bizarre, disrespectful, tacky and unprofessional. I felt like the two available sales staff did not want to deal with me because I was not financially worth their time.”

“I left this dealership emotional, discouraged and frustrated. I wanted to go home but I had to get this car situation done. My rental from my insurance lease time was up in 2 days. My last car was totaled in an accident down the block from house. (Someone was texting and driving and did not look up in time to see I was stopped & my turning signal was on to turn left down my block.)”

“I decided to try your dealership in Matteson. I called and Tricia texted me the address and she made me laugh, feel welcome and important.”

“That makes such a difference.

Tricia then looked up the model I wanted and let me know what you had in stock. Tricia then followed up with me via text to make sure I found your place and asked who my sales rep is. She said I’m in good hands with Chyma Radcliff and this team effort impressed me. This woman was the gatekeeper of this experience…”

“Your dealership seemed much busier than the Orland one, however your sales rep Chyma Radcliff took care of me immediately. Chyma’s professional attire and demeanor made a difference; but it was his genuine and stellar personality that sold me.”

“I told Chyma the same thing about my car budget as I did with Orland dealership. Chyma went and pulled two cars up immediately and had me wait inside until everything was arranged. Male or Female, this is a courtesy that is noticed! Chyma held onto my license but went with me for the drive immediately. HUGE DIFFERENCE! Excellent sales tactic.”

“Chyma thoroughly explained everything about both cars while I was driving. Chyma spent four hours with me on and off despite other customers coming in and he even managed my anxiety in dealing with my husband and made me laugh!”

“He didn’t push me or pressure me. He just listened, talked about other things with me and validated this decision. I FELT respected and like “I was a big deal”. Chyma truly seemed genuinely interested in my history and my gut told me to trust him. I find out he’s 24 and had only been working there for 10 months. I thought,”How does this guy/kid/millennial know how to treat women?”

Perhaps this was all bullshit and I’m a sucker…

“However, as a 44 year old woman from the Southside of Chicago who was fed bullshit for breakfast, lunch and dinner by men most of my life; I decided to believe my gut instinct that I wasn’t being tricked and he was being real.”

“Then I told Chyma he could go do other work and didn’t have to sit with me the entire time while they ran my credit etc.”

Chyma replied, “That would not be professional, this is a big deal for you.”

I almost started to cry because strangers don’t treat each other like that anymore. SOLD!

“Then I met with Chris Vanek, another millennial, age 24 (who was also excellent, professional, funny and knowledgeable) to go over all the paperwork, warranty and license plates information with me. You have no idea what a relief it was to hear all these benefits with all the car problems I have had and the inconveniences of getting cars fixed etc. I ended up purchasing this car alone without a co-signer. Therefore, my husband could not intervene. 😂”

“This “kid” ensured that I would be taken care of like I deserve to be and they would provide me a rental even if I needed an oil change or car repair. Hmmmm, another millennial that treats women as if we are a big deal. Or perhaps he just treats everyone that way…”

“When I finished with Chris, I could not believe that Chyma was still waiting for me on a Saturday night at 7:15pm with my new car on display despite your dealership had closed an hour+ before.”

“They also returned the rental for me with zero hassle! Your staff “made it happen.”

“I was so blown away with how I was treated at HAWKINSON NISSAN KIA in Matteson, Illinois. I’m sure I did not look very important but everyone treated me so exceptional and like a human being regardless of my appearance!”

“It is not easy to attempt to be an independent woman and make decisions for my family and about cars that I know nothing about. Your staff overall, very empowering toward women! Therefore, I would recommend your dealership, especially to a woman, to purchase a vehicle.”

Thank you for such an amazing experience.”

It did not take a lot of time to make the owner of this dealership aware of this exceptional experience. I wrote this letter and emailed it to him. That’s it.

We put so much effort into complaining when things go wrong but not much effort is put forth when things go good or beyond our expectations. If we all took the time to acknowledge and appreciate when people do a good job and treat others as human beings instead of spending that time complaining…this country would be a better place.

It seems everyone wants to blame the millennial’s, however I just met two who know what’s up and how to treat women. Or perhaps they treat everyone this way because of how they grew up.

Bottom line: Trust your gut, believe what you think you should do for yourself, even if your spouse disagrees and that there are truly good people in this world.

ADDENDUM:

My spouse got over it….eventually.

He had to buy a new car soon after, which he did while I was away for weekend. I pointed out that “you just did the same thing I did.” He justified that he “did it with the mindset” that “it was for his side job”. Yea, being a parent 97% of the time while he pursues this side job is a side job as well. 🖕🏻

😜He did not say a word after that. 😜

empath, narcissism, narcisstic personality disorder, relationships, Uncategorized, vulnerability

Left feeling like John Coffey…

May 20, 2018May 21, 2018 quillankellydunn

Left feeling like John Coffey…via Daily Prompt: Narcissism

The words I used to associate with narcissism are: Pompous, arrogant, grandiose, cocky, conceited with an inflated sense of self-importance.

Then I actually had “interactions” “friendships” and “relationships” and with men and women who have narcissistic personality disorder. The word narcissism has taken on a different meaning and vibe.

When I hear narcissism now, words like selfish, manipulative, predator, heartless, soulless, delusional, toxic, emotional-vampires, self-absorbed, and mind-fuck come to mind. They literally “search” for impressionable and innocent individuals as if they can sense your weaknesses like an animal. Individuals with this disorder are very charming, charismatic and complimentary at first.

They know exactly how to subtilely flatter you and make you “feel good”. Over time they intensify this excessive and insincere praise to butter you up and hook you. They usually have some kind of “sob story” to facilitate compassion from your kind heart and lead you to believe that “you are the only one they confided this to.” Hence they take advantage of your good intentions and thoughtful, giving nature by inadvertently causing you to feel special.

This initial euphoria (dopamine release) is what keeps you coming back for more. You like how you “feel” around this person. For once, someone is giving to you and it feels amazing. You feel full, admired, cherished, adored and loved.

They enjoy being responsible for your emotions and having power over your reactions. They groom you to become dependent on this euphoria until you become vulnerable enough to allow them to invade your soul.

You trust them wholeheartedly.
You feel like there is no one else is this world who understands you like they do.
You feel a deep connection to this person that almost becomes an obsession.

When the narcissist is aware that you are completely defenseless and completely enamoured with their tantalizing charm; this is when they strike. Usually it begins with subtle passive aggressive comments that confuse you and trigger insecurity and/or self-doubt. You may feel stung or humiliated and react emotionally. They will then minimize your reaction by twisting things around to make you look or feel irrational. #gaslighting

Then they will turn up the charm again, deepening your vulnerability by preying on your weakness in this raw, emotional state. They will use all the information and disclosures you provided them in confidence. Either they will hurt you more by using it against you or they will fill this void with whatever is missing. They will do exactly what makes you feel the most loved. Usually with whatever your love language is: lavish gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service like cleaning without asking, fixing your car or surprising you with dinner. The most dangerous is the physical affection or mind blowing sex that will completely impair your judgement.

They will “feed” off this emotional roller coaster they put you through and this “feeding” will temporarily sustain them. This pattern will continue until you begin to question your sanity, your decision making and how you feel about them or yourself. They will sense your ambivalence and “up the ante” and do things to make you feel crazier.

They may suddenly withdraw by ceasing to return calls or texts. They may stand you up for lunch or not show up for things. They behave aloof, rude or become cold and distant. They may begin to pick fights with you, accuse you of cheating, start “hanging out” with another “friend” making you jealous. They may play favorites with your siblings leaving you feel never good enough. They may cheat on you or talk badly about you to someone else.

After this, you may be convinced you are clinically insane. Your emotions will feel so out of control and irrational that you wonder if perhaps you are the problem; not them. Since you have been strung out on the dopamine high they have been steadily supplying you, you will feel an intense withdrawal. This withdrawal is similar to a deep exhaustion or a hangover. You could feel worn out, drained, exhausted, depressed, anxious, paranoid, hopeless, worthless, and weak. You may feel imprisoned and trapped like there is no way out.

Then they pounce on your vulnerability and feed off whatever emotion and reaction you provide them. Negative or positive reaction; it doesn’t matter. They need this emotional fix to survive so they will do whatever they have to do in order to receive a “reactional feeding”.

You may begin to feel desperate and do things out of character. You may even wonder how you used to be happy before this person walked into your life. You may re-trace when you started to care so much about how this person feels about you. You may speculate why you keep trying to win their affection or attention.

Out of this desperation, you may precariously decide to do anything to make this person happy. You muster up the strength for one more last-ditch effort in order to see that charming, charismatic, loving person they once were.

Under the delusional belief that deep down “they care about you” and they have empathy; you may attempt to “force” them to understand how you feel. You will inevitably be heartbroken and devastated. This is an endless cycle that you can waste years on.

Hopefully you will love yourself enough to recognize that this “emotional vampire” has an insatiable thirst. They will leave you once you have nothing left to give and there is no supply left to “thrive”. They are incapable of true love and believe your purpose on this earth is to serve them and supply them without ever having to reciprocate. They do not feel guilty or remorse. It is all an act.

This person could be a significant other, sibling, family member, friend or in worst cases; a parent. The only way out is feeling the pain, learning and growing from it. Meanwhile, maintaining no contact with this person at all. Zero communication or reactions is the only way to end this cycle and break free from their control and toxicity.

The devil doesn’t show up wearing horns and a pitchfork; they show up disguised as everything you ever wanted.

gun control, march for our lives, Uncategorized

No Guns for you

May 19, 2018August 30, 2020 quillankellydunn

Whenever I have to go to the Department of motor vehicles; I have a vision of the Soup Nazi.

In the DMV, everyone is obedient, quiet, respectful and stands in line patiently. Security is standing by the door, in the back of the room and near the check in desk.

There is usually a bad ass woman at the front desk (probably two years from retirement); with absolutely zero patience and zero tolerance for excuses. She doesn’t have time for bullshit.

She is the soup nazi.

She will check what you brought with for identification. If it is not the required paperwork, she will unapologetically tell you what you need to do, hand you back your pitiful paperwork and you’re excused. Got to come back another day. “No soup for you!”.

While you’re standing there flabbergasted like George Costanza; she’s already looking at the next person in line yelling out “next!”.

Everyone has the same rules and there are no “deals”. Like everyone else, I took a drivers license exam and I was scared to death and terrified. I was extremely cautious, wanting to pass and this drivers license examiner was strict as hell. He was also scary like the soup nazi, only he resembled Danny Devito. But you know what? He should be scary.

He has the power to give you a drivers license. This is a PRIVILEGE! He is a government employee. He is not a salesman.

He was testing me to make sure that I am capable of driving a vehicle. Why? For the safety of myself and other people. It is their responsibility to make sure we are able and willing to follow the rules of the road. If your vision is bad or you can’t pass the driver’s test; you don’t get a license. Period.

End. Of. Story.

It’s just the way it is. We all accept it.

Driving and the freedom we have is a privilege.

Even the most obnoxious of people (The Newman’s😂) who want the soup, know when to shut the fuck up, stand in line, be respectful, follow the rules and get out of there.

The vehicle I.D., license plate number and the drivers license number identify you on your insurance policy and can be found in the U.S. government database. If you do not follow these rules, you get tickets, fines and those brutal red light violations. I mean, you can be fined $100 if you do not come to a complete stop before turning right.(I’ve had like 10 of these 😖.)

You cannot obtain your drivers license or take a driver’s license test at a little shop next to the dollar store. You are unable to take care of any kind of governmental state issued identification responsibilities at Cabela’s or at Dick’s Sporting goods.

So what I’m wondering is, if having a drivers license is taken so seriously; how come obtaining guns are not managed the same way?

This picture was taken Thursday May 17th, 2018 on 74th and Harlem at a sporting goods store. You could stop here to pick up some ice, get a slurpie, or a gun, maybe some ammo…because that’s normal. Whut? Something has to be done about this. This is insanity.

First of all, Guns should be regulated like the DMV with the Soup Nazi at the front desk and someone testing you to ensure you are capable of handling this responsibility. There should be restrictions and requirements as there are with owning a car.

In owning a car and having a driver’s license, you know that if you screw up; you lose that privilege. Only I hope “screwing up” means something menial like turning right on a red light, not resulting in people being killed.

Guns are supposed to be owned only by people who understand and respect their power, follow the rules and take owning one seriously. Guns should be used for self- defense and hunting. That is it.

“No guns for you.”

Watch bullet control below by Chris Rock.

Read this article:

https://brenebrown.com/articles/2017/11/08/gun-reform-speaking-truth-bullshit-practicing-civility-effecting-change-2/

parenting struggles, Uncategorized, Women's Fight, Yoga Pants

My Whole Life is “Have To”

April 25, 2018February 1, 2019 quillankellydunn

“Do you really have to go?” She asks during a heated discussion.

“My whole life is HAVE TO.” Steve Martin sneers.

I have no idea how but I truly believed I “had no time” prior to having children. What the hell did I do before? How did I ever have the balls to complain about anything?

Parents HAVE TO show up no matter what. There is no break or stopping. I am reminded of this quite frequently as I am about to plant my ass on the couch or eat a hot meal. I am stopped from stopping.

“Mom! Where’s my uniform? Mom, I can’t find my shoes.” Or some fight breaks out while they are both screaming my name simultaneously “MOM!” and overreacting in some kind of hysterics.

However, When you don’t have time to trim your toenails or make a doctor appointment to check out your vadge…this might be a sign you need to calm the fuck down.

When you’re walking around unaware that your shoulders are at your earlobes and you are appearing neckless…it might be a red flag to slow your roll.

As I mentioned that parents never stop, I really am unable to stop “doing stuff” and most of the time, it’s not by choice. I set a rule: one sport per kid at a time. However, what usually happens is there is a 2 week overlap where one sport is ending with playoffs/championships and another sport is beginning. These are the weeks I lose my shit.

Exercising helps and so does wine;). In order to mirror my non-stop lifestyle, I usually gravitate toward a fast-paced heated yoga sculpt; or a Beachbody workout with cardio/weights smashed into 30 minutes. These workouts are non-stop; like my life with only 10-30 seconds of rest. These workouts are essential when your whole life is “have to”.

This past Sunday morning I escaped while everyone still sleeping and I took a 75 minute heated yoga fusion class. Yoga fusion, Bikram, or Vinyasa are slower paced yoga classes. They entail poses that are held for longer periods of time; these are classes “I don’t like” or try to avoid.

I was extremely frustrated through the first half hour of this class. I was annoyed and irritated at my lack of balance and focus. I could not hold any pose for more than a second; then I would stumble. I had the urge to walk out of class because I felt so stupid; yet I was projecting my annoyance on the yoga instructor.

The yoga instructors constant reminders to lower my shoulders from my ears was irritating. I noticed every pose I held would become more difficult as my mind traveled to other places.

Examples:

During tree pose: I was initially focused and balanced, the instructor then advised us to hold this pose for five breaths. Met with the silence and only my thoughts, my mind wandered somewhere else then this dumb class. My focus switched to the music; which was Dave Matthews, One Sweet World ….My mind traveled to Reilly’s beer garden reminiscing about dancing in the sunshine…Then wondering why I am in this dark class on this sunny day…Ahhhh… happy place…

BAM…wipe out… back in present and staggering out of tree pose. Grrrrr.

During wild dancer: I listened to instructions and got in pose, then as everyone had to hold it with no one speaking…my thoughts wandered again…”I wonder what Dave Matthews is up to these days? Man that double CD “Live at Luther College” with Tim Reynolds is the best. I need to pull that out when I get home. I should go see Dave at Red Rock, oh yea and marijuana is legal in Colorado…SaWEET!”

Knocked out of my thoughts…I falter out of wild dancer.

Standing Split Pose: Again initially balanced and focused … then Rusted Root’s Ecstasy begins to play…Thoughts, “Am I too old to sit outside in Reilly’s beer garden? I wonder if they have live bands outside still on Sunday’s?”… I blunder unsteadily and tip over face first ….

What is the deal with this instructor’s class? I thought. She sucks.

This repeated over with my wandering thoughts.

“Did I even shower yesterday?”

(Teetering then fall)

“Jeez I need a pedicure.”

(Tip over, again)

“I should day drink more often.”

(Wobbling)

“I can’t do this.” I thought and decided I hated the yoga instructor. “I like heated yoga sculpt Better. I like my workouts at home better.”

Then I painfully recognized what I was doing. I was uncomfortable, therefore I wanted to stop. I wanted to blame someone for my embarrassment. I was no longer in my comfort zone. The workouts I want to do are fast paced with constant movement…kinda like my life.

I was failing because I wasn’t in the present. I was struggling because this type of class was uncomfortable since I rarely slow down.

I pushed through the class anyways now that I realized I did not loathe the instructor; I loathed how I felt. I felt stupid and clumsy. I looked and felt foolish.

Then the wake up call…Reality check…No one gives a rats ass what I am doing, what I look like or even notices me. Everyone is too busy focusing on their own poses, demons and thoughts. I gradually got “out of my head” and “into my life.”

I pushed through the class now, wiser. When my mind began to wander, I counted backwards 54321. Trick learned from the book The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins. It was the only tool I could think of to do in that moment.

When I finally reached the end of this 75 minute class; I sensed relief. I made it to corpse pose (Shavasana) and my mind was completely blank. Shockingly I was thinking of nothing. I had no recollection what I was doing after this class or the rest of the day. “It doesn’t matter right now“. The teacher, now my BFF, gave me an ice cold washcloth with essential oils for my face. I now felt like a million bucks!

This was an excellent reminder that stepping OUT of your comfort zone helps you step INTO the BIG PICTURE.

I am not a mom.

I am not a wife.

I am not a daughter.

I am not a woman.

I am not a coach.

I am not a counselor.

I am

I just …am

I am enough.

#thefivesecondrule

#parenthood

#stevemartin

#mywholelifeishaveto

#melrobbins

#slowyourroll

#brenebrown, #greatpretender, #homeschoolingrealshit, #opportunity, #sidehustle, Find A Way, parenting struggles, Uncategorized, Women's Fight, Yoga Pants

My Brain Is Oatmeal

March 28, 2018July 7, 2020 quillankellydunn

I was home (in between jobs 😜)from January 12th-March 6th. Sounds awesome right? However about after a month and not having money (because not working kinda limits all the “fun things” and “projects” you want to do while off.)

I have found it doesn’t take much to throw off your momentum and routine. I believe sick kids is literally the #1 routine- sabotager for moms. Somehow shit is everywhere, you are trapped at home and eventually you have to give in at some point.

Just throw in the towel and watch movies with your sick child who requires hourly snacks and drinks. (Ironically they never eat this much when they are well.) Then of course, mom succumbs to the illness, further jacking up the routine for another week or two.

Then the “getting back on track” phase begins, where you want to jump back into action, however you have mountains of crap to catch up on and clean because the sick child’s stuff is all over. Finally after about three days, you are ready to get back to your “routine”.

My “routine”…After I get the kids to school and calm down from the morning rage of screaming at each other to get going; I do the morning dishes. I wipe the counter and table, which leads to scrubbing the stove, and then washing floor in the kitchen. Let’s be real, cooking real dinners are messy AF and since I was “off”, making real dinners, not chicken nuggets or pizza, was expected. Reasoning: I am off work, I should be able to start dinner. Hence, “Should.”

I am an unintentional slob while cooking. I leave cabinets open, I always over boil pasta and get the filmy stain on the stove. Most of the stuff I chop ends up on the floor, and I have like 15 different seasonings and ingredients on the counter. I’m like an OCD person’s worst nightmare.

I move on to the laundry and find myself frustrated about the baskets of unmatching socks mixed with items the kids barely wore and putting it in the wash. I sit on the floor attempting to match my daughters 17 pairs of socks in various colors, that are “almost the same” color but not quite. I cuss and then realize I also have many different colored socks that require matching and curse myself for being me. When I start becoming euphoric when I find a sock match, I know it’s time for me to get a life and do something else. I stand up feeling old AF because my hips and knees ache from siting like that so long.

I decide to take a break from the maddening sock-matching battle, get out of the house and take an exercise class. When I arrive home, I’m starving and thirsty so then I ponder about what to make that is the least messy to clean up. While I’m thinking, I mindlessly eat some donkey chips or nuts. Once I make something, I clean up again, try to figure out what to make for dinner and I’m now exhausted.

I aim to take a “meditation nap” while listening to headphones by 1pm before I shower and pick the kids up. I wake up to my alarm at 2:00pm and check my texts, somehow I’m on some article on Social media and 30 minutes goes by. Son of a… so no shower…again.

I’m getting headaches frequently, probably from dehydration because I keep forgetting to drink water. None of my clothes fit except yoga pants. I have no energy to walk in addition to my workouts. I am barely hitting 5000 steps on my Fitbit. I have forgotten two appointments and like 6 of my kids practices already because I didn’t put it in my calendar. My house is being consumed by clutter and randomness, and the sad thing is, I don’t even care. However, I do begin caring about dumb shit and worrying like “my friend didn’t text me back, is she mad at me?”

I noticed the universal intervention while I kept procrastinating about cleaning my bathroom. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Until one fateful day, in the middle of washing my face and my daughter asked me something. I dried my face , went to help her and brought kids to school. When I arrive home, I discover the back room floor wet. “Damn kids, what the hell?” I think. Until I go upstairs and realize I left the sink running the entire time. Now I really have to clean my bathroom. Declutter and throw away tons of crap that should’ve been gone years ago.

Fast Forward: Start job March 6th.

•Have to wake up at 4:20am in order to get everything done and leave a time-window open for my scatterbrain-ness•

Below is all that I accomplished:

•Exercise•Shower•Get dressed•Wake kids•Make them breakfast•Ensure they are ready and brush their teeth to eliminate dragon breath before I leave•(why don’t kids care these days about not being the smelly kid).
The Night before all this is ready: Kids lunches/snacks/water•Meal prep my lunch/snacks•Run dishwasher•Laundry•kids uniforms/shoes/socks all ready•(the cursed sock and shoe search is the biggest daily time sucker).•Lay out my workout clothes (with socks and shoes)•Pick out work clothes including underwear, bra, socks and shoes (I am just as bad as my kids, who am I kidding?)•
Leave for train at 6:35am.
Hall ass 25 minutes in the cold to my building
I eat the food I brought with me.
I drink tons of water, probably 20 ounces an hour without thinking about it.
I get 10,000+ steps in by halling ass back to the train station.
No naps,
Home by 5:30

It continues…

•Make dinner•Clock in as an unpaid Uber driver and cart kids from school extended day, games and practices•No missed practices because I put everything my calendar immediately upon receiving the coach’s email•I keep on the kids about putting their crap away•I hold kids accountable to get their shit ready for the morning•No guilt•

Repeat.

Notice the difference? Now it is clear and concise like a fucking resume. Lots of Action Words.

No bullshit.

It’s all done. No elaboration, no details.

It’s completed because it has to be.

I don’t have a choice.

There’s no time to think.

No time to procrastinate.

I have to just do it.

The less time you have, the less time you waste.