#millenials – Quillan Kelly-Dunn

#Beyourself, #freedom, #greatpretender, #millenials, #opportunity, #simonsinek, Badassery, Find A Way, gun control, Hamilton, Lin Manuel Miranda, march for our lives, unlockingus, Women's Fight

BLUE is the new BLACK

January 16, 2021October 15, 2021 quillankellydunn

During my time as an ER crisis worker, I was written up at least once a year for accumulated tardies.

I have also been put on levels for mistakes I made.

I am one of two individuals in the history of my department that was on a “level”. (Level three is termination.) How unfair right!?

Back story: When I first started, I got so mad about a PTO policy that changed; I impulsively went straight to the CEO. 🙈😬 Soon after, I began to receive levels for “minor” mistakes.

Upon receiving this level, I went into full-on JED mode (justify, explain, defend) a.k.a JJM (JOLIET JAKE MODE) to my boss.

I was FURIOUS at her audacity because I had stayed late the night before!

HOW DARE SHE!?

How dare THEY!!!”

I then exclaimed, “It was 7:01! Can’t you let this slide?” (What about the other six late clock-ins? 🤔)

I pissed and moaned about it to my coworkers.

One day, a nurse in another department candidly told me “I’ve been on a level before. You know what? It’s just to help you learn. It’s not like a jail sentence.”

When I stopped blaming, I was able to see clearly what I did wrong and how I need to change. I DESERVED the LEVEL.

This level was about a choice I made.

This level was about a mistake I made.

My justification that it’s “no big deal” or my valid reasons for committing this violation does not matter.

It is a rule, policy, procedure etc. and I broke it. PERIOD.

I needed to THINK.

OWN IT. Learn from it. Accept. Admit. I.was.wrong.

I needed to feel the pain and shame of the consequences in order to change.

I preferred to “get in trouble” individually than have my whole team suffer for my mistake, my ignorance, and my stupidity.

Just as I HATED it when I was a kid and we lost recess because of the one asshole who wouldn’t stop talking. I never wanted to be that kid.

I didn’t want to be that coworker.

This “dumb” rule and it’s “unfair” consequences is to prevent much bigger mistakes from occurring in the future.

I attended a mandatory re-training, with clear concise examples and the consequences if not followed-ahead of time. Also annual trainings to keep this fresh in our mind.

Oh and remember how I went straight to the CEO when I wanted to have a tantrum about what I didn’t like? I learned to follow the chain of command. It is there for a reason. I get it…now. If I didn’t make those mistakes, perhaps I wouldn’t have.

Do I deserve to lose my pension because I made some bad choices?
Should my entire department lose their pension because of my mistake?

Speaking of losing pensions, here is another authoritative tale where I believed I was right…This is in regards to the countless tickets I have received for speeding, failure to come to a complete stop at a red light prior to turning right, and blowing red lights.

After my violation, I would respectfully hand over my insurance card and license to the police officer with a sweet, innocent smile. Sometimes, in a vain attempt to get out of the ticket, I may have flirted a little.

This manipulative behavior on my part would be dismissed with a “nice try” nod or a wink as if to acknowledge the effort. Then the police officer did their job by handing me the ticket.

Later, while attending court to fight this outlandish claim: I smiled, apologized and respectfully presented my case.

After all, I had VALID reasons why!!!

However, deep down I knew the truth.

I wasn’t truly sorry….I was sorry because I got caught. Perhaps this ONE time I may have been right; but what about was 27 other times I made the same mistake and didn’t get caught.

I was only sorry for my behavior because it hit me where it hurt. 💰 💴 ⏰ I could not afford the consequences.

Therefore, I was not GENUINELY sorry, but feeling sorry for myself.

After my presentation at court, you know what the police officer or judge would reply 97% of the time? Something like:

“You weren’t even close.”😂😎

I didn’t get out of it.

I didn’t have a tantrum. I didn’t persuade anyone in powerful positions that “I know” to get me out of it.

I was stuck with the consequences as I should be.

I paid the $200 fine. I went to traffic school. I drove more cautiously to avoid future infractions. I learned to stop the behavior.

Should I have gotten a lower fine because I’m a woman?

Should I have gotten a lower fine because women earn less than men?

Would a man have gotten out of this?

Was I just pulled over because I am a female?

Was I written up because I am a female?

I don’t know all the answers but I’m leaning toward a hard NO. My point is, we are all humans and make mistakes. I can at least own my part. Shouldn’t we all?

Some make worse mistakes than others and those individuals need to receive their appropriate consequences.

We still ALL EQUALLY need consequences to continue to learn and function in society. Yes, of course there are racist and sexist people in this world; but there are many more who are not.

What happened to accountability?

I knew the rules and I still chose to break them.

I am aware if I commit a serious crime, I go to jail. No getting out of it. I respect my freedom so I obey the law. (See below for Chris Rock- obey the law skit)

I DO NOT deserve special treatment because I am a woman.

I SHOULD NOT be let off easy because I’m really, really good looking 😜(Zoolander). (See halo effect)

That is the BOTTOM LINE.

There are NO excuses.

There are no valid reasons.

I should receive consequences and re-training.

It never even OCCURRED to me to argue with police or judges.

Perhaps some would call this an example of “white privilege.”

I call it RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY.

I call it RESPECT for our COUNTRY.

I call it RESPECT for the RULES.

I call it respect for those HUMAN BEINGS who are doing their extremely difficult job to enforce the rules.

I don’t know about you, but I NEED rules.

I need authority.

I’m not sure when all this ENABLING started, but it has to stop.

In a time, not too long ago, we used be like this:

A time when people laughed instead of being offended about everything.

How can we get back to this? Where we laughed and celebrated our differences?

How can we move forward from today and stop being so divided? In the end, we are all equal human beings, aren’t we?

Perhaps making everyone read this book below as a mandatory part of being a United States Citizen would help us remember.

Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don’t Know https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316478520/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_3j2aGb1RGFC5V

Regardless of what any of us think of our previous president, he is human too. One person cannot be held responsible for everything. There is a LONG chain of command that is also accountable. We NEED Many LEADERS! Like thousands!

Addendum: https://markmanson.net/newsletters/mindfck-monday-66?vgo_ee=uZEOWBYMFd2rLfzi%2BJIpDmQOP8ZXmRzMvz3Yw%2BcA7gI%3D

#brenebrown, #doitanyway, #freedom, #greatpretender, #homeschoolingrealshit, #millenials, #opportunity, #sidehustle, Badassery, brene brown, glennondoyle, Health & Wellness, Lin Manuel Miranda, narcissism, narcisstic personality disorder, parenting struggles, relationships, unlockingus, vulnerability, Women's Fight, Yoga Pants

Sympathy For The Devil

November 23, 2020November 17, 2021 quillankellydunn

I may not KNOW a lot of things but one thing I do believe for sure is that BOB (Esai Morales) from La Bamba is one BADASS mother fucker. He has to be THEE coolest and most captivating actor on the planet.

He should have won an OSCAR for best supporting actor for his performance; (Esai Morales) truly MADE the movie.

He literally SEDUCES the audience.

That being said, what I find most ironic is that no matter what he did or said, I still liked his character. I thought he was hilarious, I still do. What is even more puzzling, is that he is a complete dick.

(Side note: Esai also appeared on Ozark for a season or two- I was immediately entranced. )

As a woman, I completely identify with Rosie. As a mother and wife, I empathize with how she feels; I hate how she is treated by Bob. What was also puzzling is that she ANNOYED me. 🙈

I can actually feel her pain, grief, & confusion. You can see it written on her face. The “wait…wtf-just-happened?” face. The “how-in-the-hell-did-I-end-up-here” face. She displays this facial expression the majority of the movie. We all know that face.

We all know that feeling: When you realize you’ve been had. You got screwed over. The worst part about it, the majority of it was your own doing. You assumed. ASS-U-ME.

I get how she assumed as well. Any woman in a could easily fall into Bob’s trap; especially the married ones. Bob’s seductive allure could have wise woman entranced in his spell: After Bob flirts with you: Huh? What kids? What husband? You don’t have a job you say? Ballsy. Hot…You drink every day? Wild & crazy. You live in your mom’s trailer? Sounds cozy. Humina Humina 😍🥰😛

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I remember thinking: Awwww just leave him alone Rosie.. it’s your own fault you got yo self knocked up…

I STILL liked him after that horrible, disrespectful and honest statement by Bob. Like “Dayyyuuumm.” Why?

Currently, I am an adult and an educated & wise woman, yet I still like Bob. Wtf!? How come? 1. Clearly excellent acting by Esai Morales 2. Amazing directing

However, I am not satisfied with this. Inquiring minds want to know!!!

I was concerned with my reaction when I watching this movie recently. When the mother, Connie Valenzuela, minimized Bob’s cartoonist abilities and reminded him that he is about to become a father, I thought: Jeez Connie, buzzkill, what did you have to go and do that for!? Why don’t you get out of Richie’s ass and pay attention to poor Bob. He is trying. POOR BOB

Poor Bob: your womanizing, chauvinistic, selfish, entitled, immature, unemployed, alcoholic, manipulative, man-baby-son who just was released from prison.🤔 (Bob sounds like a real catch on paper doesn’t he?🤥😂)

Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece.Proverbs 16

From a biological & genetic standpoint, Bob does what Bob does best. Bob is a an alpha male who is genetically predisposed to flock his sexy shit to attract females. Bob does whatever possible to get laid; ultimately procreating more human beings to populate the earth. (Biology 101: It is vital for males to compete for reproduction and for females to choose between those competing males.

If a member of the opposite sex finds your tail, your song, or your dance moves sexy, you will have a chance to fulfill your primary biological role as a member of your species: to reproduce.
https://biogeoplanet.com/how-do-animals-find-mates-sex-and-sexual-selection/

This is “Bob’s” “primary biological role” aka his job and he rocks it. He got Rosie pregnant so now he needs to “move on” and to do this again.

It’s not his fault…yet. (Please don’t get angry, hear me out;)

From a biological/genetic standpoint, Bob is doing his job. He behaves how all male animals act. Bob is genetically predisposed to be what humans would consider “an asshole”.

The problem is, he also doesn’t know any better. No one has taught him otherwise. No one has had the chance to teach Bob to step above his biological urges.

Please don’t cause him to feel inadequate by making him have to THINK.

Don’t make him feel like a failure by asking him to have COMPASSION or EMPATHY? That is NO FUN.

What would cause a human being to behave this way? Or to treat women this way?

Bob’s True Story & my psychological interpretation😜:

Just like Rosie, Connie also hooked up with a bad boy at a young age and got herself impregnated (with Bob.) The hot, sexy biological father took off.

I know you “love him” Rosie, but unless you want to cook dinner on his motorcycle…

Connie then met someone else (Steve) and Connor married Steve when Bob was two years old. Steve loved Bob and treated him as his own. Steve and Connie then had a child, Ritchie. Ritchie was a reflection to Connie what she did right=Ritchie=golden boy. However, Bob was a reminder of her bad decisions.

Connie, Steve, Bob & Ritchie were doing well together for a while. Bob assumed Steve was his biological father and Bob loved him.

In an interview, the real Bob Morales states his life took a bad turn when he was 14 and his parents (Connie & Steve) separated.

“I moved in with my mom while Ritchie went with my dad. One day I told my mom that I wanted to live with my dad and and that’s when my aunt told me ‘Why do you want to go with him if he’s not even your real father.’Bob Morales

Despite Steve conveying to Bob that he loved him as his own son, the shock devastated Bob. Also, it was horrible timing for Bob to find this out because soon after this discovery, Bob began high school.

Bob was getting into fights frequently so he stopped attending. Instead he gave money to the homeless nearby who would buy him alcohol.

While his now single-mom was working two jobs, Bob was not going to school and had no structure all day, no guidance, no direction=idle time which is the DEVIL’s playground.

Therefore, Bob ended up going to a detention center from age 12-17! Connie, his mother, signed him over as a ward of the state. He did not see his family that entire time he was locked up.

👆🏻AKA Go Fuck yourself Connie. I will never let a woman hurt me again.

The first time Bob saw his mother or Ritchie in years; was the day of Steve’s funeral. Which also means he didn’t get to say goodbye to Steve or to grieve properly.

Bob learned to adapt to his lonely life by becoming the life of the party. He learned how to get what he needed by finding comfort in women and selfishly move on. This probably soothed his resentment toward his mother for while, but then he felt guilty; so he drank the pain away.

Of course he was jealous of Ritchie. Ritchie got his Dad and his Mom. He got nobody.

The point is that all of US are capable of evil depending on what we are exposed to.

I thought of this blog when I was about to bitch at my son for not cleaning up the mess he made after making quesadillas. I realized that I can’t assume he knows how. Instead, I showed him how clean it up. I told him that this is what I expect. I didn’t talk to him like he was stupid. I thanked him for making his own food. I didn’t clean it up for him. This is the only way they learn.

Mothers: We cannot assume that our sons are just going to know how to treat women when they’re older. We cannot assume that their Dad’s are going to teach them either. Most Dads are working their ass off and are never home. (Probably chasing tail 😂 not knowing why. Kidding!🤪)

We have to teach OUR SONS what WE want from them so they can learn how to GIVE this to their future partners. We need to teach them about affection, connection, friendship, compatibility, respect, and the long term.

We have to teach them that this may be a biological urge to continue to chase women and populate the world, HOWEVER, we are not animals.

It costs a lot of time, money, energy to raise a human child properly into a respectable adult.

We need to teach them that human females can be hot and smart. Women can be attractive, fun, brilliant, and confident. We have to teach them, not ASSUME, that a Human FEMALE’S purpose is not to populate the world.

It’s Biology Rosie- kidding! You can have both!

We also have to teach our daughters: What they tolerate will become their future. Being a victim will not get you anywhere.

It’s OUR job to ALSO teach the FUTURE MEN of this world these skills. We need to teach them how to love unconditionally. Parents need to be a TEAM.

There is a chapter in this book on how we “go easy” on our sons because we don’t think they can manage it all and are tougher on our daughters 🙈

https://markmanson.net/love

https://markmanson.net/compatibility-and-chemistry

#markmanson

#ericthomas

#glennondoyle

#millenials, #simonsinek, Women's Fight

Women are Kind of a Big Deal….

October 22, 2018December 18, 2021 quillankellydunn

It’s tough to believe that anyone genuinely cares anymore, like if the emails and texts we receive are from a real person or computer generated. It’s a challenge to have anyone talk to you face to face without looking at their phone constantly. It’s nearly impossible to tell a story without someone one upping you with some outlandish story they found in comparison on social media…

However…This is a real, 100% true experience I had that I feel compelled to share. I wrote this letter to the owner of a car dealership….

Dear Mr. Hawkinson, (Bob Hawkinson of Hawkinson Nissan & Kia In Matteson, Illinois)

“I did consider leaving your car dealership on Saturday October 21st, 2018 because my husband wanted me to go to Ed Napleton in Elmhurst and purchase a 2019 Kia Sorento through union plus. This would have saved us $2000 than your in stock model. My husband of 16 years did not want me to purchase from a dealer alone and is extremely skeptical of “salesmen”. What I heard is “You are a dumb woman who can’t handle a man’s world.”

“In dealing with your staff, the future convenience factor is what sold me because my time is more valuable than money.

I did end up purchasing a 2019 vehicle (Kia Sorento)with your dealership…

Why this is such a big deal….”

“This is my first time ever purchasing a new vehicle from a dealer. We have not purchased a car since 2005 with Carmax. The last car I bought ON MY OWN was with $500 cash and the muffler was burnt to a crisp.

Why this is important…”

“Earlier that afternoon, I went to the KIA dealer in Orland ready to buy a car and the sales staff turned me off. I was treated with courtesy… until I advised I had a budget. The staff who were older than myself, made me wait for a long time to even talk to someone after that. Despite my having an appointment and I also confirmed my attendance to four annoying, impersonal texts and emails to ensure I attended this appointment.”

It seemed like none of that mattered.

The two staff, Felicia and Jason, were nice, but it seemed like cliche sales behavior that did not feel genuine. I am a business professional; however I am a full time mom on the weekends and I was wearing a baseball hat, jeans and a sweatshirt. Maybe because I looked like I was nobody important is why I was treated this way.”

“I gave them my license, which took like thirty minutes for her to return with. They finally pulled up a car for me to drive after a bunch of problems (excuses).”

“It was unexpectedly snowing out and freezing for October. The sales rep goes back inside again while I’m standing there alone freezing and under-dressed. I decided to get in the car and test drive the car around lot for two minutes. When I came back, the sales staff made a comment like I was going to steal the car”. (Please…Bye Felicia)

“Then she smugly suggested that I navigate outside ALONE in the huge lot in the snowing, cold, blustery weather to look for a car. This was bizarre, disrespectful, tacky and unprofessional. I felt like the two available sales staff did not want to deal with me because I was not financially worth their time.”

“I left this dealership emotional, discouraged and frustrated. I wanted to go home but I had to get this car situation done. My rental from my insurance lease time was up in 2 days. My last car was totaled in an accident down the block from house. (Someone was texting and driving and did not look up in time to see I was stopped & my turning signal was on to turn left down my block.)”

“I decided to try your dealership in Matteson. I called and Tricia texted me the address and she made me laugh, feel welcome and important.”

“That makes such a difference.

Tricia then looked up the model I wanted and let me know what you had in stock. Tricia then followed up with me via text to make sure I found your place and asked who my sales rep is. She said I’m in good hands with Chyma Radcliff and this team effort impressed me. This woman was the gatekeeper of this experience…”

“Your dealership seemed much busier than the Orland one, however your sales rep Chyma Radcliff took care of me immediately. Chyma’s professional attire and demeanor made a difference; but it was his genuine and stellar personality that sold me.”

“I told Chyma the same thing about my car budget as I did with Orland dealership. Chyma went and pulled two cars up immediately and had me wait inside until everything was arranged. Male or Female, this is a courtesy that is noticed! Chyma held onto my license but went with me for the drive immediately. HUGE DIFFERENCE! Excellent sales tactic.”

“Chyma thoroughly explained everything about both cars while I was driving. Chyma spent four hours with me on and off despite other customers coming in and he even managed my anxiety in dealing with my husband and made me laugh!”

“He didn’t push me or pressure me. He just listened, talked about other things with me and validated this decision. I FELT respected and like “I was a big deal”. Chyma truly seemed genuinely interested in my history and my gut told me to trust him. I find out he’s 24 and had only been working there for 10 months. I thought,”How does this guy/kid/millennial know how to treat women?”

Perhaps this was all bullshit and I’m a sucker…

“However, as a 44 year old woman from the Southside of Chicago who was fed bullshit for breakfast, lunch and dinner by men most of my life; I decided to believe my gut instinct that I wasn’t being tricked and he was being real.”

“Then I told Chyma he could go do other work and didn’t have to sit with me the entire time while they ran my credit etc.”

Chyma replied, “That would not be professional, this is a big deal for you.”

I almost started to cry because strangers don’t treat each other like that anymore. SOLD!

“Then I met with Chris Vanek, another millennial, age 24 (who was also excellent, professional, funny and knowledgeable) to go over all the paperwork, warranty and license plates information with me. You have no idea what a relief it was to hear all these benefits with all the car problems I have had and the inconveniences of getting cars fixed etc. I ended up purchasing this car alone without a co-signer. Therefore, my husband could not intervene. 😂”

“This “kid” ensured that I would be taken care of like I deserve to be and they would provide me a rental even if I needed an oil change or car repair. Hmmmm, another millennial that treats women as if we are a big deal. Or perhaps he just treats everyone that way…”

“When I finished with Chris, I could not believe that Chyma was still waiting for me on a Saturday night at 7:15pm with my new car on display despite your dealership had closed an hour+ before.”

“They also returned the rental for me with zero hassle! Your staff “made it happen.”

“I was so blown away with how I was treated at HAWKINSON NISSAN KIA in Matteson, Illinois. I’m sure I did not look very important but everyone treated me so exceptional and like a human being regardless of my appearance!”

“It is not easy to attempt to be an independent woman and make decisions for my family and about cars that I know nothing about. Your staff overall, very empowering toward women! Therefore, I would recommend your dealership, especially to a woman, to purchase a vehicle.”

Thank you for such an amazing experience.”

It did not take a lot of time to make the owner of this dealership aware of this exceptional experience. I wrote this letter and emailed it to him. That’s it.

We put so much effort into complaining when things go wrong but not much effort is put forth when things go good or beyond our expectations. If we all took the time to acknowledge and appreciate when people do a good job and treat others as human beings instead of spending that time complaining…this country would be a better place.

It seems everyone wants to blame the millennial’s, however I just met two who know what’s up and how to treat women. Or perhaps they treat everyone this way because of how they grew up.

Bottom line: Trust your gut, believe what you think you should do for yourself, even if your spouse disagrees and that there are truly good people in this world.

ADDENDUM:

My spouse got over it….eventually.

He had to buy a new car soon after, which he did while I was away for weekend. I pointed out that “you just did the same thing I did.” He justified that he “did it with the mindset” that “it was for his side job”. Yea, being a parent 97% of the time while he pursues this side job is a side job as well. 🖕🏻

😜He did not say a word after that. 😜