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BLUE is the new BLACK

During my time as an ER crisis worker, I was written up at least once a year for accumulated tardies.

I have also been put on levels for mistakes I made.

I am one of two individuals in the history of my department that was on a “level”. (Level three is termination.) How unfair right!?

Back story: When I first started, I got so mad about a PTO policy that changed; I impulsively went straight to the CEO. 🙈😬 Soon after, I began to receive levels for “minor” mistakes.

Upon receiving this level, I went into full-on JED mode (justify, explain, defend) a.k.a JJM (JOLIET JAKE MODE) to my boss.

I was FURIOUS at her audacity because I had stayed late the night before!


How dare THEY!!!”

I then exclaimed, “It was 7:01! Can’t you let this slide?” (What about the other six late clock-ins? 🤔)

I pissed and moaned about it to my coworkers.

One day, a nurse in another department candidly told me “I’ve been on a level before. You know what? It’s just to help you learn. It’s not like a jail sentence.”

When I stopped blaming, I was able to see clearly what I did wrong and how I need to change. I DESERVED the LEVEL.

This level was about a choice I made.

This level was about a mistake I made.

My justification that it’s “no big deal” or my valid reasons for committing this violation does not matter.

It is a rule, policy, procedure etc. and I broke it. PERIOD.

I needed to THINK.

I needed to THINK, With MY BRAIN, Not the internet.

OWN IT. Learn from it. Accept. Admit. I.was.wrong.

I needed to feel the pain and shame of the consequences in order to change.

I preferred to “get in trouble” individually than have my whole team suffer for my mistake, my ignorance, and my stupidity.

Just as I HATED it when I was a kid and we lost recess because of the one asshole who wouldn’t stop talking. I never wanted to be that kid.

I didn’t want to be that coworker.

Takin one for the team.

This “dumb” rule and it’s “unfair” consequences is to prevent much bigger mistakes from occurring in the future.

I attended a mandatory re-training, with clear concise examples and the consequences if not followed-ahead of time. Also annual trainings to keep this fresh in our mind.

Oh and remember how I went straight to the CEO when I wanted to have a tantrum about what I didn’t like? I learned to follow the chain of command. It is there for a reason. I get it…now. If I didn’t make those mistakes, perhaps I wouldn’t have.

Do I deserve to lose my pension because I made some bad choices?

Should my entire department lose their pension because of my mistake?

Speaking of losing pensions, here is another authoritative tale where I believed I was right…This is in regards to the countless tickets I have received for speeding, failure to come to a complete stop at a red light prior to turning right, and blowing red lights.

After my violation, I would respectfully hand over my insurance card and license to the police officer with a sweet, innocent smile. Sometimes, in a vain attempt to get out of the ticket, I may have flirted a little.

This manipulative behavior on my part would be dismissed with a “nice try” nod or a wink as if to acknowledge the effort. Then the police officer did their job by handing me the ticket.

Later, while attending court to fight this outlandish claim: I smiled, apologized and respectfully presented my case.

After all, I had VALID reasons why!!!

However, deep down I knew the truth.

I wasn’t truly sorry….I was sorry because I got caught. Perhaps this ONE time I may have been right; but what about was 27 other times I made the same mistake and didn’t get caught.

I was only sorry for my behavior because it hit me where it hurt. 💰 💴 ⏰ I could not afford the consequences.

Therefore, I was not GENUINELY sorry, but feeling sorry for myself.

After my presentation at court, you know what the police officer or judge would reply 97% of the time? Something like:

“You weren’t even close.”😂😎

I didn’t get out of it.

I didn’t have a tantrum. I didn’t persuade anyone in powerful positions that “I know” to get me out of it.

I was stuck with the consequences as I should be.

I paid the $200 fine. I went to traffic school. I drove more cautiously to avoid future infractions. I learned to stop the behavior.

Should I have gotten a lower fine because I’m a woman?

Should I have gotten a lower fine because women earn less than men?

Would a man have gotten out of this?

Was I just pulled over because I am a female?

Was I written up because I am a female?

I don’t know all the answers but I’m leaning toward a hard NO. My point is, we are all humans and make mistakes. I can at least own my part. Shouldn’t we all?

Some make worse mistakes than others and those individuals need to receive their appropriate consequences.

We still ALL EQUALLY need consequences to continue to learn and function in society. Yes, of course there are racist and sexist people in this world; but there are many more who are not.

What happened to accountability?

I knew the rules and I still chose to break them.

I am aware if I commit a serious crime, I go to jail. No getting out of it. I respect my freedom so I obey the law. (See below for Chris Rock- obey the law skit)

I DO NOT deserve special treatment because I am a woman.

I SHOULD NOT be let off easy because I’m really, really good looking 😜(Zoolander). (See halo effect)

That is the BOTTOM LINE.

There are NO excuses.

There are no valid reasons.

I should receive consequences and re-training.

It never even OCCURRED to me to argue with police or judges.

Perhaps some would call this an example of “white privilege.”


I call it RESPECT for our COUNTRY.

I call it RESPECT for the RULES.

I call it respect for those HUMAN BEINGS who are doing their extremely difficult job to enforce the rules.

I don’t know about you, but I NEED rules.

I need authority.

I’m not sure when all this ENABLING started, but it has to stop.

In a time, not too long ago, we used be like this:

A time when people laughed instead of being offended about everything.

How can we get back to this? Where we laughed and celebrated our differences?

How can we move forward from today and stop being so divided? In the end, we are all equal human beings, aren’t we?

Perhaps making everyone read this book below as a mandatory part of being a United States Citizen would help us remember.

Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don’t Know https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316478520/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_3j2aGb1RGFC5V

Regardless of what any of us think of our previous president, he is human too. One person cannot be held responsible for everything. There is a LONG chain of command that is also accountable. We NEED Many LEADERS! Like thousands!

Addendum: https://markmanson.net/newsletters/mindfck-monday-66?vgo_ee=uZEOWBYMFd2rLfzi%2BJIpDmQOP8ZXmRzMvz3Yw%2BcA7gI%3D

gun control, march for our lives, Uncategorized

No Guns for you

Whenever I have to go to the Department of motor vehicles; I have a vision of the Soup Nazi.

In the DMV, everyone is obedient, quiet, respectful and stands in line patiently. Security is standing by the door, in the back of the room and near the check in desk.

There is usually a bad ass woman at the front desk (probably two years from retirement); with absolutely zero patience and zero tolerance for excuses. She doesn’t have time for bullshit.

She is the soup nazi.

She will check what you brought with for identification. If it is not the required paperwork, she will unapologetically tell you what you need to do, hand you back your pitiful paperwork and you’re excused. Got to come back another day. “No soup for you!”.

While you’re standing there flabbergasted like George Costanza; she’s already looking at the next person in line yelling out “next!”.

Everyone has the same rules and there are no “deals”. Like everyone else, I took a drivers license exam and I was scared to death and terrified. I was extremely cautious, wanting to pass and this drivers license examiner was strict as hell. He was also scary like the soup nazi, only he resembled Danny Devito. But you know what? He should be scary.

He has the power to give you a drivers license. This is a PRIVILEGE! He is a government employee. He is not a salesman.

He was testing me to make sure that I am capable of driving a vehicle. Why? For the safety of myself and other people. It is their responsibility to make sure we are able and willing to follow the rules of the road. If your vision is bad or you can’t pass the driver’s test; you don’t get a license. Period.

End. Of. Story.

It’s just the way it is. We all accept it.

Driving and the freedom we have is a privilege.

Even the most obnoxious of people (The Newman’s😂) who want the soup, know when to shut the fuck up, stand in line, be respectful, follow the rules and get out of there.

The vehicle I.D., license plate number and the drivers license number identify you on your insurance policy and can be found in the U.S. government database. If you do not follow these rules, you get tickets, fines and those brutal red light violations. I mean, you can be fined $100 if you do not come to a complete stop before turning right.(I’ve had like 10 of these 😖.)

You cannot obtain your drivers license or take a driver’s license test at a little shop next to the dollar store. You are unable to take care of any kind of governmental state issued identification responsibilities at Cabela’s or at Dick’s Sporting goods.

So what I’m wondering is, if having a drivers license is taken so seriously; how come obtaining guns are not managed the same way?

This picture was taken Thursday May 17th, 2018 on 74th and Harlem at a sporting goods store. You could stop here to pick up some ice, get a slurpie, or a gun, maybe some ammo…because that’s normal. Whut? Something has to be done about this. This is insanity.

First of all, Guns should be regulated like the DMV with the Soup Nazi at the front desk and someone testing you to ensure you are capable of handling this responsibility. There should be restrictions and requirements as there are with owning a car.

In owning a car and having a driver’s license, you know that if you screw up; you lose that privilege. Only I hope “screwing up” means something menial like turning right on a red light, not resulting in people being killed.

Guns are supposed to be owned only by people who understand and respect their power, follow the rules and take owning one seriously. Guns should be used for self- defense and hunting. That is it.

“No guns for you.”

Watch bullet control below by Chris Rock.

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